“Buying a Valentine's Day gift for your wife a month early is the gayest thing you could do.”
We used to give each other blowjobs on my first boat to make sure we were NOT gay. As long as you threw up afterwards, you were straight. If you enjoyed it, though, you’d turned latent homosexual and had to quit.
But, yeah, flowers for no reason, sent to her office or school, when twenty coworkers or students keep asking WHY she’s getting flowers, that’s super-gay. I’d be better off asserting my manfullnessity by just ordering her to cook me a steak, huh? Make it all about me, my needs, my wants, my self-image. That’s what marriage is all about… Me.