Since my now 22 year old son plunged into the "trans" abyss at 19, I have been able to maintain sporadic contact despite the horrid sting of seeing him deterioate mentally and physically. However, I cannot will myself to call him by his stupid name or pronoun nor affirm his charade. To do so would betray the foundation of love for my son, which I cannot bear. Since my son is aware of my refusal to indulge his narcissistic delusion, I wonder if he may decide to refuse sparse in-person visits, or perhaps even ignore occasional benign texts and emails. I also try to pre-grieve estrangement, but this task seems impossible. How does one pre-grieve a precious child?? Unless he detransitions, this primal loss will ache for the rest of my life. There is no escape from being cheated from my son thriving and our sick society stealing his potential and health while shunning the validity of my pain and outrage. So I hope my confused brainwashed son will stay in touch with me, even in a minimal way. But if he doesn't someday, which could be this week (who knows?), I will have to trudge on, and I will, though with an even heavier heart than I am enduring now.