However, before we begin our next phase, I would like to take some time to address a rumor floating around the fleet.
Some of you have come to believe that I like war. I wish to dash these rumors. I do not like war.
I LOVE war.
Through my life, I have discovered so many forms of war. You get up in the morning, you get into your shitty car, and you see a rich CEO who works half as hard as you do drive down the street in his Porsche. Class war.
You make it to work, and you find out that the annual drug test is today. And you just so happened to take a puff of your one-hitter a couple nights ago before dinner with your wife's awful parents. Drug war.
But then, you find out that the only ones being called in for testing are your black and Hispanic co-workers. Race war.
Then, you try to post about it on your Facebook, but then all your friends start arguing about what's right und what's wrong. Flame war.
You finally get home, and you decide to relax by watching a program about: "Who gets the box?" "What's in the box?" "How much is what's in the box worth?" Storage Wars.
*chuckle* What I am telling you, my Nazi army of 1,000 vampires, is that I am a purveyor of war. And with your help over the years, we are now at the precipice of our true goal.
You see, I want a simple war. No class wars, no drug wars, no race wars, no flame wars... Und certainly, no Cold Wars! (Blueballed for 40 years.)
What I want is a war that only we can bring. A true war! A German war! The sequel you've all been waiting for! I! WANT! WORLD! WAR!! THREE!!!