If you ejaculate at the exact time it becomes New Year, legend says that you will give birth to the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. Even if you don't ejaculate inside a woman, God will make it so. Your seminal fluids will undergo a series of phases from which it'll slowly grow in biomass, eating up anything that comes in direct physical contact with it, becoming abiotic sacrifices for the Second Coming himself.

Of course, this alone will not be enough, which is where the sperm cells come into play. The increasing biomass will make the sperm cells alongside the seminal fluids grow into lengths not less than 5 feet. Each sperm cell, now called Neo-Angels, will traverse the local area, which will now be christened the title of The New Holy Land, searching for the purest souls that embody the same teachings of Jesus Christ irregardless of their religion in the same way Gabriel did find Mary.

These Neo-Angels will use their flagellum to insert into these pure souls' belly-buttons. The pure souls will undergo a sort of reverse-birth, wherein its duration depends on the pure soul's age plus nine months. By the end of this reverse-birth, the Neo-Angels should come out portly and heavy. Whatever Neo-Angel couldn't find a suitable pure soul will act as the Second Coming of Jesus Christ's defender as the fetus grows into appropriate size.

The Neo-Angels that manage to collect enough fetal-matter will gather back to the semen originally ejaculated and pump their flagellum into the semen. With this, the Second Coming of Jesus Christ should have the power of at least a hundred human beings.

The original ejaculator that took part in giving birth in the Second Coming of Jesus Christ will act as the final sacrifice for the lord, as the semen that will have grown into a fetus will crawl into your testicles and use it as a makeshift womb, and you shall soon give birth to a baby boy, and you will be the final sacrifice.

All this considered, do you really want to masturbate anywhere near New Year's Eve?