Wouldn’t a single point:
Be quite enough? When it comes to these things, less is more, my hostile and most likely both uneducated and inbred fella.
“people who own more than 3 cats”
Phew! Squeked just by under with 2!
“people who don’t carry a pocket knife”
A pocket knife? How gauche and unmanly, that will simply not do for a penis substitute, how about we one-up this to “people who don’t always open carry at all times”?
Yup, I can definitely see your shit being ever-so-kicked in by some offended person with dwarfism. One stereotype happens to be true about them, they are in terms of physical strength on par or sometimes more than your standard-ass adult so this should be one where you shouldn’t offend not because you’re a decent person to others but just cause some offended midget is going to send your bollocks to the ER and your face right after that. And I’ll be cheering them on all the way.
“people who eat sushi
people who eat tofu”
Translation: I find sushi gross and so must you all because otherwise I feel like an ignorant imbecile, tofu is for teh libruls and gays and such so ofc I hates it!