YOU’LL perhaps recall me confessing to Deep State plant Terry Wogan in 1991 that I was the “chosen one”, informing this be-wigged, ignorant stooge – and 18 million of his viewers – that our moon was not a moon, but a hollowed out alien spaceship serving as both observation post and amplifier for frequencies from Saturn that control our minds.
As troublesome as this truth proved to be for Wogan’s tiny mind – a prophet is never accepted in his own lands after all – at least that was a real interview. Watching Andrew being gently tickled by Emily Maitlis last week, it didn’t take long for me to realise the whole thing was a sham – as staged as the moon landings or Tom Cruise’s relationships.
My suspicions were confirmed when Andrew did something that was truly unexpected – he confessed. To everything. His true alien nature, I mean.
With the jaw-dropping admission that his reptilian body was incapable of sweating, it seemed he was finally confirming all my theories about his extraterrestrial bloodline – even going as far as to accompany this revelatory confession with repeated flicks of his tongue and strobe-like blinking to moisten his serpentine, bulging, swiveling eyes under the harsh studio lights.