kuyohashi

@kuyohashi

Various Anons #conspiracy #pratt #psycho #racist #wingnut

All religions are up for criticism. Except when you have to make up bullshit lies to make yourselves feel superior, that is. And when you stop criticising the religion itself, and begin attacking the people who follow it, were born into it, or a related to those that fall into either two previous categories.

And kudos to JBP for finding his “stopped clock” moment.

Dataracer117 #sexist #wingnut

“Why didn't they make the short, fat plumber suddenly tossed into an insane world with mysterious rules and hidden dangers in a fight not only for his life, but the lives of millions of others, when he has had no prior experience whatsoever in any kind of heroic or even marginally athletic endeavor, into an instant badass who kung fu-fights Bowser in the heart of a volcano while Peach paces in the background, fretting that her man is safe and sound as she knits him a sweater and bakes him some cookies like the wimmenfolks should?! Why did they make the ruler of an entire kingdom into somebody competent, but the newbie blue-collar guy suddenly thrust into the role of hero acts like he's never hero'd before in his life?!!! It's like Hollywood never even bothered to read my 900-page fanfiction!!”

And again, it's so nice that all of the world's other problems have been solved. Cancer has been cured, poverty has been eradicated, Ye and Trump and Fuentes have all volunteered to be Musk's first passengers on tomorrow's rocketflight to colonize the sun, and Musk has suddenly converted to Aesthetic Buddhism and given all his worldly possessions to the poor and homeless. With nothing else in the world of any importance happening, we can spare a little time bitching about cartoons. What a Golden Age we live in.

Reality Bytes #wingnut #crackpot #conspiracy

You'd think, after having their pseudo-legalese woobity-woo so consistently swatted down, that they'd have learned by now that it. Doesn't. Fucking. Work.

But nope, they are so thoroughly convinced that if they explain to the nice policeman that, really, laws are just consensus reality and they're not like other girls so the rules don't apply to them, then Officer Thumper will just put the nightstick away and start clapping at these brave American heroes, instead of, y'know, the thumping that will ensue.

Anonymous #conspiracy #crackpot #dunning-kruger #racist

“The Roman Empire never existed! Atlantis is in Nebraska! Jews control the Lollipop Guild! Cows are really the ones behind alien mutilations! Jim Carrey is just Joe Biden in a latex mask! Barack Obama is secretly straight but pretends to be secretly gay so he can be every woman's 'gay bestie!’ Nobody's ever seen Eddie Murphy and Marilyn Monroe in the same room, I'm just saying!!!”

God, these people are fun. Out of their tiny little minds, but a hoot-and-a-half to behold.

Laura Loomer & various commenters #conspiracy #wingnut

*scene opens upon an AntiSemite, identifiable by his snazzy dress which includes an “I hate Jews, for pretty fucked up reasons” t-shirt, walking non-chalantly in the street. Nearby stands a rabbi, pointing at the open manhole in the path of our 'hero'*

Rabbi: Hey! Buddy, you're gonna walk right into a–

Asshole: Shut up, Jew! I only listen to fellow inbreds and mouthbreathers, even when it would do me a world of good to listen to other voices and accept other ideas!

Rabbi: But–

Asshole: We're about to have a repeat of the Holocaust-Which-Totally-Never-Happened-But-Which-I-Feverishly-Abuse-Myself-To-Thoughts-Of if you don't shut up and go do something stereotypical where I can't see you!

*the idiot then proceeds to fall into the manhole. Shot of a newspaper, the headline reading, “Antisemites mysteriously vanish! Ghostly shrieks and wails heard from sewer outlets screaming racist boilerplate! Sewer rats complain of stench!”*

Laura Wood #transphobia

I'd call Laura Wood a real wit, but that would be a half-truth.

1 God's Warrior✝️ / @InfantryMan3 #wingnut #fundie #homophobia #transphobia

@Yutolia #148558

Or it could be like the “why wasn't Obama in the White House doin’ his job when 9/11 didn't happen!!” folk, where their innate stupidity causes a memory glitch.

It's always a heady mix of stupidity, self-serving memory, denial and conspiracy with these people.

Elon Musk #wingnut #god-complex #dunning-kruger

He was literally booted from the platform for literally breaking the TOS.

Elon needs to remember that the RWNJs he's pandering to won't ever buy a Tesla. Not that anyone should, given that they're curiously explosive when exposed to things like forward momentum and the gravitational pull of the sun.

unknown #sexist #wingnut

It sounded better in the original German.

Roosh V #fundie

Somebody call Melvin, his Care-A-Lot branch of the Legion of Doom just found itself another prospective member.

@TexasRedForever #wingnut #conspiracy

*raises hand excitedly, like the kid in class eager to show off how ever so clever he is to Teacher*

Ooh! Ooh! I know, I know! What if, we kept dangerous people from ever getting the guns in the first place, by enacting red flag laws and actually enforcing them, thereby making armed teachers and school patrols completely unnecessary? That way, there isn't even the slightest ghost of a chance of a school shooting! We keep the shooters from getting the guns! How's that for a fucking solution, you clown?

Candace Owens #wingnut #transphobia

Candy, never ever had you been correct about anything, and never ever have you understood the most elementary of concepts. Have a seat.

Matt Walsh #transphobia

No, Matthew, people are rightly pointing out that your bullshit lies and slander, accusing the transcommunity of “castrating and sexualizing children” when you have been told repeatedly that absolutely nothing of the sort is even remotely happening, are directly to blame for what happened in Colorado. When you shriek like the castrato banshee you are, “Hey, look at those people who are different, I bet they're doing something bad but don't ask for any proof, just trust me bro, LET'S GEDDIM!!” and someone does, in fact, do something fucking monstrous, that. Is. On. You.

You pieced this monster together, Doc. You ran the lightning bolt through his neck, you brought him to life and you let him loose on the world. That makes every life snuffed out at his hands, your fucking fault. You and those like you, the haters, the liars, the stochastic terrorists who can barely contain their murderous rancor. At least young Mistress Shelley's good doctor had the moral strength to accept his fault in the deaths caused by his creature, and took the proper steps to atone for it.

Spare the world your crocodile tears, Matt, you aren't sad gay people died. You're only sad more didn't.

various commenters #wingnut

Henry Makow PhD #sexist #racist #wingnut #conspiracy

“See ladies, don't you miss being chained to the hot stove, all bare-foot and pregnant like men–I mean, God, intended? You don't really want to have any agency in your lives, you just think you do because JYOOOOOOOOOOZZZZ!!! *cue rabid foaming at the mouth* have tricked you into thinking that you have opinions and thoughts and desires outside of not burning my porkchops and spitting out my whelps. Trust me - I pee standing up, therefore I know what's best for you. So what say we stop all this silly ‘personhood’ nonsense, you go get an apron on, and maybe some kneepads, and after I use you as my patriarchal mandate demands, I'll only beat you one shade of purple for daring to go against your obvious betters.

Hello? Do we have a deal? Is this thing on? Wait…what are you doing with those hedgeclippers? Hey, you know you'll just have to sew my pants back up later, don't you? What are you–no, don't do that, I need those! They're the only things that prove I'm superior to women! Nooooooo!!! *Snip!*”

Wayne Allyn Root #conspiracy #wingnut

@PMSFKS #147815
Hey, Republicans won some in 2020 - it's how Bobo and MTG began their tenure as the dumbest gibbons at the DC Zoo. And yet, they still think the Ghost of Barack Obama colluded with time-traveling Russian Martians from Beyond the Moon brainwashed the masses with fluoridated water and Pokemon into voting for…what do the GOP stand for again? Making the Dems cry? Undoing things that benefit Americans? I dunno.

Roosh V #fundie #sexist

@Malingspann #147772

I think it goes :

-Roosh Episode One: The Phantom Menace

-Roosh: First Blood Part 2

-Roosh 3: Dream Warriors

-Roosh 4Ever

-Roosh V: The One With That Obnoxious Tool, Tommy Gunn

Also, what is this asshole's solution to people being attractive, intelligent, and/or talented? To Harrison-Bergeron the entire world for Jesus?

Bible Thumpin n Gun Totin #wingnut #fundie #sexist

Brian Niemeier #fundie #mammon #wingnut

It's not “read” his books. Nor is it “enjoy” his books. It's “experience” his books. As if you were sitting down for an IMAX presentation of the Book of Genesis, right from God's POV. The unabashed chutzpah of this fuckin’ guy. “Gather the children, dim the lights, prepare the popcorn and turn off the phones, because my hackneyed tale of Jesus robots will take your breath away! Watch out for a cameo from Empress Theresa!”

Is his main character named Nian Briemeier, by any chance?

Kerry Cassidy #wingnut #conspiracy #magick #crackpot

“Waaaah! I expected Story Time from Cecil B. Dementia and all I got was some boring shit about him wanting another lick at the brass ring, then he half-assed YMCA before he had to have a sit! Absolutely no mention of the Nebulous Cadre of Shadowy Boogeymen Dr. Facebook said was serving time in the Phantom Zone, nothing about magical beds or space marines swooping with with Sleepy Joe, only to pull off the rubber mask and reveal that *GASP!* Old Man Jenkins!! None of my delusions were catered to and I feel betrayed!”

But hey, at least Eric learned that his dad does, indeed, know his name and can recognize him by face. It was everything he had ever hoped for. So he had a good night, at least.

Jean-Charles Moyen #ufo #conspiracy #crackpot

So he's a space man-super soldier-ninja? Is he also a circus clown pirate country singing werewolf cyborg?

Jon Voight #conspiracy #wingnut

@Timjer #147482

Trump plays to their insecurities. He blames the people they think need to be blamed for the little problems in their lives, and gives them an outlet for attacking their perceived enemies. He stands as a bulwark against change and progress and other scary things, and so they cling to him. It's almost like if Jack and Rose clung to the fucking iceberg as the boat went down, it's truly baffling.

Also, is Jon pitching for the next National Treasure movie? “In this one, we use Teddy Roosevelt's diary to try and find my marbles! They could be anywhere, I lost them a fuckin’ forever ago! Let's go, Nicholas Cage, we both know you got mortgages to pay, and I need to fill the void in my soul created by knowing that my own children would rather drive railroad spikes through their ears than acknowledge me!!”

various commenters #wingnut

“Yeah, no more Libtard babies! Now it'll be our own children who become Democrats when they see how utterly morally bankrupt our policies are! It's not like the best cure for Conservatism is to see how it crushes the people who live under it, no way!”

Anonymous #dunning-kruger #elitist #fundie #sexist

The list of fictional things in this…fever dream Christmas wish list, I guess:
-God
-Satan
-demons
-succubi
-the remotest chance in equally fictional hell of these myconids ever getting a leg over any damned thing, let alone a fucking succubus.

Although, if those succubi ran on Pathfinder rules, I'd totally pay to watch these chodes rush head-first (either head) to their smoochy doom.

Judy Byington/SGAnon #conspiracy #wingnut #ufo #crackpot #mammon

You'd think by now they'd have figured out that you can only kill Hillary Clinton by driving a stake through her heart, cutting off her head, burning her head and body on different fires, and scattering the two sets of ashes in different places. Oh, and don't pull the stake out, classic rookie mistake!

Or wait, does staking Hillary only put her into Torpor? Shit, does she run on Hammer Films rules, or White Wolf?

Nick Fuentes #wingnut #fundie #sexist #homophobia #conspiracy

You acknowledge that you and your beliefs are in the minority, and yet think that somehow, you'll find the numbers needed to enforce your evil on an entire country over 300,000,000 heads large?

Nick, I thought you were floor-licking stupid when you hoisted the banner for people who would gleefully drag you behind their pickup trucks just for having the wrong last name. Now…now I think I need a submarine just to measure your intellect - it’s so low, it's under the sea.

NeuroptimusPrime #crackpot #magick #ufo

I dunno, Victor from Area 51 I might have believed; Victor's a good sort, always quick with a witty retort, and the man will help you move a piano up three flights of stairs, and ask only for a Dr. Pepper as payment.

But then you bring Don from the Navy SEALS into the equation, and I start to question your reliability. Don from the Navy SEALS is an asshole and a flake. He owes me $3.50 from years back (long story, Italian restaurant, biker gang, had to replace some windows, not important.) and stole my favorite jacket, the one with the girl from Cool World on the back riding an ostrich.

So I'm split on whether to trust the stuff you said about magic being real and folks everywhere actually witnessing it.

Timothy Fitzpatrick #racist #wingnut #conspiracy

“David Duke is a Leftist Commie-shill for the race-mixers and their Jew overlords!!!"

*mouth goes agape as I take in the epic scale of this otherwise unimaginable concept, slowly going mad as I gaze into the maw of Chthulu But It's a Stupid Contradictory Idea Instead Of A Towering Winged OctoGod From Beyond.*

Congressman Paul Gosar & various commenters #wingnut

“Look! Jews are funding both parties!”

“No, some Jews are Democrats, some Jews are Republicans, and they're supporting their respective parties. They aren't some monolithic hivemind.”

“I don't know what ‘mono-linoleum hide-mime’ means, I just know I don't like out-groups and enjoy making up bullshit about them!”

Ben Garrison #wingnut

Herschel Walker not only didn't know his fucksies and hypocrisy would be exposed, he probably had no idea he was running for the Senate. The man clearly has some neurological damage from getting tackled for twelve years, although we probably won't know the full extent for some time because CTE can't be properly diagnosed while the patient is still alive.

And let's not get it twisted here, the GOP is only backing Walker because they think he can be controlled in his compromised state. Otherwise, they'd run a black candidate who didn't go off on Dadaist tangents or who didn't violate so very many of their purported values.

Remember those? Remember “values?” Things like, “if you're against abortion, maybe don't pay for so many that you escort your dates to the wing of the clinic named after you? Or if you've changed your stance on the matter, maybe own up to it and don't hide it or lie about it when it inevitably comes out, as all things do?” Or, “maybe don't threaten to kill your wife and/or girlfriend, and double-dog definitely don't actually point the fucking gun at them?”

Remember when Republicans at least pretended to stand for things, put forth the illusion that they had standards and a platform?

Yeah, me neither.

Balddog4 #psycho #wingnut #crackpot

Trump is almost like somebody saw Mel Brooks’ depiction of the Nazis, didn't get that it was supposed to be mockery, and tried to emulate that. Incompetent Hitler is still Hitler, just incompetent. The next Trump - who won't actually be a Trump, because that family couldn't navigate their way through the maze on the back of a box of Honeycombs, let alone into an American legacy - might not be such a fucking buffoon, which is where the danger lies. Deal with Incompetent Hitler while Hitler is still incompetent, before you have to deal with Knows-What-The-Fuck-He's-Doing-And-Is-Chillingly-Efficient-At-It Hitler when he pops up.

I'm done saying Hitler for the day, I think.

Dr. Vernon Coleman #wingnut #conspiracy #elitist

@ChurchyLaFemme #147062

Oh that's easy. See, the green, let's-not-kill-the-only-planet-humans-live-on loonies love the idea of over-pollution killing the planet, that they went full-bore Hoggish Greedly and actually started forcing industries to pump out lethal poisons that would cause real climate change. Before that, you could climb up to any smoke stack or run-off pipe, put your lips over it, and suck down some of that sweet and nutritious “freedom sludge,” with no ill effects.

Benjamin Fulford #crackpot #conspiracy #wingnut #racist

Ben Garrison #conspiracy #wingnut

“Half the population.” Pfft, you fucking wish, Benjy.

He really believes it, too. He's absolutely convinced that the MAGA cult is literally half the fucking country, instead of that rowdy gang of kids who congregate at the back of the bus so nobody can see them light their own farts.

Marjorie Taylor Greene & Various commenters #wingnut

@Spacewyrm #146884

Oh no, I caught on to that, too. Frankly, it's never a surprise when the Trump-Monkeys and disgruntled ex-thereofs dip into their Antisemitism Jar, so I didn't think commenting on it was important. Everybody's a Jew. MTG's a Jew, I'm a Jew, you're a Jew, we're aaaaaaaall Jews, if we don't dance to these fuckers’ tune, whether anyone included in the previous groups were Jewish or not. Living their lives must be a truly frightening experience.

I mean, that isn't even Danny DeVito's real nose, ffs.

Unnamed pickup truck driver #conspiracy #quack

This Dipshit: “DOGS LICK THEIR BUTTS, WHICH GIVES THEM CANCER ON THEIR TONGUE! THEY THEN PASS THAT CANCER ON TO HUMANS!!”

Sane Person: “Wait, hold a tic…how does the cancer on the dog's tongue get into people?”

TDP: “…THROUGH PERFECTLY NORMAL ACTIVITIES THAT EVERYONE DOES!”

SP: "…You make out with your dog, don't you?”

TDP: “PERFECTLY NORMAL ACTIVITIES!!”

Marjorie Taylor Greene & Various commenters #wingnut

I like how they try to compare MTG to the Penguin. Like, no. No, sweetie, MT-ex-G is sub-Ten-Eyed Man, as far as Batman villains go. Condiment King is a more dire threat than she is.

Also, apparently being literal terrorists is no different than just wearing a hat, or voting for Russian Agent Orange, I guess.

And if the midterms were rigged in the Dems favour, then why wasn't Madgie sent packing back to the trailer park that belched her forth unto the world? DC's been unBoeberted, surely the nefarious Biden cadre could have arranged for Margie to have an electoral downfall? Curious that they got rid of one slack-jawed treasonous buffoon, but decided to keep the other?

Elon Musk, Donald Trump Jr., Rep. Clay Higgins (R-La.), Dinsesh D’Souza, Sebastian Gorka, Mike Cernovich and other activists #wingnut #conspiracy #homophobia

Are we still going on about Paul Pelosi? Dude, that happened, like, last week. The new thing is how Ted Cruz’ gay lover threw a beer can at the Cubano Carbuncle. Get with the times, man!

@JonKUhlerLPC #transphobia #conspiracy

@Starlight #146797

Because nobody is *ever* really trans, they just think they are because their poor widdle brainsponges have been chewed to pieces by big bad pornography.

various commenters #wingnut

They came for Alex Jones, and I fucking cheered because that fat asshole finally faced the consequences of shilling his assholery for profit, hang who he hurt.

They came for Steve K. Bannon, and I fucking cheered, because that racist, fascist fucker tried to dismantle the country just so he could get a pat on the head while he was down on his knees sucking off The Lyin’ King.

They came for Mike Lindell, and I fucking did a heel click, which ain't easy for a fat arthritic guy, because he's been the Daughterfucker-In-Chief's primary Johnny Bullshitseed, when he isn't using his pillow company as an obvious cover for dealing horse to kids.

Anyone else they come for, be they mule-faced heir to the Golden Man-Child's illusory fortune, a barely literate Hee-Haw skit come to life, or America's Drippiest Mayor, will have earned their shiny new chrome bracelets and a stay in the draftiest fucking prison cell.

On the upside, I'm sure they could make some money with all the books they'll write. If only their fanboys could read…

The One via Galaxygirl #ufo #magick #crackpot

Bennett Lee Ross #crackpot #conspiracy #ufo #magick #quack

Will we be like, season six Simpsons, or post-season nine? I'm just wondering which it'll be, because if I'm living my new animated life ala “Lisa's Wedding,” or “Who Shot Mr. Burns,” okay then. Good, solid stuff. But if it's just one long slog through “The Principal and the Pauper,” then I would like to put in my request for a long, painful death via slow-cooker now, thanks.

Various commenters #wingnut #racist

@Malingspann #146348

Elevator pitch: A new Die Hard. Female lead, no major changes to plotline. NYPD cop drawn into rescuing their wife from terrorist takeover/heist. Sit back, enjoy popcorn, watch the heads of many a chud explode at lesbian action Christmas glory.

Mike Adams the Health Ranger #conspiracy #wingnut #quack

Oh no! If only the 13th Amendment existed!!

Seriously, let's play pretend along with Mikey here and say, sure, some corporation - Chuck E. Cheese Incorporated for our purposes, because honestly, they would fucking do it - creates an injection that makes humans into man-taco hybrids. And then they try to patent said mantacos. Whoops, here comes that pesky Constitution, cockblocking our tacoman-enslaving mousebot overlords with some bullshit about how humans can't be property, and even with a 50% Old El Paso genetic overlay, we're still dealing with 50% human, and I'm pretty sure that's covered under any laws banning slavery.

Merlin via Galaxygirl #magick #ufo #crackpot

This certainly does read like it was written in the presence of some purple cosmic smoke, yeah.

Nichole Morgan/JC/Rob #fundie #wingnut #conspiracy

@Malingspann #145758

Nah, he found some weird sunglasses that let him see evil people without their human-suits on. You'd better put them one when he tells you to, or else he'll wreck your groin in an alleyway.

David Chase Taylor #crackpot #conspiracy #wingnut

“JIMMY, IT'S DOING IT AGAIN! I SWEAR TO CHRIST, THIS KEYBOARD HATES ME!”
“…”
"JIMMY? IT'S DOING THE BIG LETTERS THING…JIMMY?”
“…”
“OH…THAT'S RIGHT…JIMMY DOESN'T COME AROUND ANYMORE…”

(melancholic piano music plays as Grampa sadly hunts-and-pecks at the keyboard, cursing in vain everytime he thinks he's found that rascally Big Letters Key, only to have his dreams dashed when the computer beeps defiantly as he presses something he shouldn't.)

And hey, I just want to say it's nice to see DCT covering all his bases. Seriously, he took almost every possible contingency for the motor vehicle-related death of Taylor Swift into consideration. I'm seriously surprised he didn't include zombie apocalypse or Gamera attack as potential plans for the CIA to assassinate her.

Also, why is the CIA assassinating Taylor Swift? And have they done it yet? it's 8: 23 PM on October 28th, 2022 as I type this, they'd better get a move on if they want to pull off Operation: I Guess We Do This Now For Some Reason.

Right of Atilla #wingnut #conspiracy

Silky. Voiced. Crooner.

Alex Jones. The bullshit-artist who tells stupid horrible people to harass grieving parents. That guy.

Imma ignore how you shill for bullshit-peddlers to spread harmful lies without fear of repercussions and point out instead that Jones sounds like he's been inhaling some of those gay frogs of his and getting them stuck halfway down his gullet.

Also, fuck Alex Jones. That goes without saying, really, the man painted targets on the backs of grieving families in order to scam stupid assholes of their money. He gave no consideration to the harm he inspired, never made any effort to correct his nonsense, never admitted to his lying and now whines when the consequences of his bullshit catch up to him.

Fuck. Fucking. Alex. Fucking. Jones.

Babylon Bee #wingnut #transphobia

The keep saying “pretend President” but don't mention Trump even once in their one-joke. Curious.

Lisa Renee #crackpot #magick #ufo #conspiracy

I dunno man, this story leak for the next Xenosaga game seems almost obnoxiously convoluted. Like, I know the main trilogy went hard into incomprehensible nonsense, but this almost sounds like a parody of JRPG complexity.

Hmm? What's that? This is something someone somewhere actually believes? This person honestly thinks this word salad is somehow a real thing? It's not actually the plot synopsis for a weird cult game about lesbian robots and aliens from heaven?

Well…that is rather…concerning.