Today, TRAs taught me that I'm a self-hating rapist:
That's not at all what she's saying. We don't let men take care of vulnerable women because we can't read the minds of the men we hire to make sure they aren't perverts and won't sexually assault them. Like it or not men make 99% of the sexual assaults we know of.
A study of college students a number of years ago showed that one third of the men said they saw no problem in having sex with a very overly drunk woman. Many of those men also said rape was wrong.
I'm not here to get into a debate on consent or saying all men are bad, but 1/3 thinking it's okay to take advantage of someone who isn't all there at the moment is terrifying for all women to hear. If that many think that's okay, how many think having sex with a disabled woman or girl is okay?
Maybe if the stats on trans women committing sex crimes were more like women's stats then people would feel more comfortable with letting them take care of the vulnerable. Since we know better it's not at all okay.
I'll go far as to say that anyone who has a penis - in any form - asking to take care of vulnerable women and girls is a huge red flag for being an abuser. These positions go to anyone with a clean criminal record and pay shit, so they aren't attracting the best type of people. It's hard, gross, and demanding work.