[From “The Tragedy of Bastethotep”]

Now Bastethotep was an obese man who struggled to find true love. One day at the grocery store, he found an attractive woman who was wearing a shirt of the biology company she worked at. He thought that at last, he found his future scientist wife. He had an erection.

His erect penis stuck out in his pants and the woman noticed. “Gross!” she said and walked away.

Bastethotep was in despair that he was rejected and he stomped his foot. Being obese, he lost his balance and crashed into the meat section. The manager came out and was furious.

“We will either sue you for damages in court or you can make up for it by doing me a favor by helping me in the meat packaging room put back.”

“I’ll do you the favor,” said Bastethotep relieved that he could avoid being sued.

In the meat packaging room, the manager pointed to the meat grinder and said, “Since you ruined the meat, we will turn you into meat.”

And Bastethotep was shoved into the meat grinder and made into hamburgers and hot dogs. Customers thought that they were just eating normal beef and pork. ...

While burning in hell for not accepting Jesus Christ as his Lord and savior and repenting of his sins, Bastethotep thought that at least his murderers would get sent to hell to. But then he saw a vision of an evangelist doing jail ministry convincing the manager and his accomplices to repent of their sins and accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and savior. May this story be taught as a lesson of God’s infinite mercy, that he sent his son to die for you, so that no matter what evil deed you did, you can be forgiven if you repent during your lifetime. If you committed a crime and haven’t been caught, then you must atone by turning yourself in.