Welcome to Fundies Say the Darndest Things

You’re looking at an archive of the most hilarious, bizarre, ignorant, bigoted, and terrifying quotes from fundies all over the internet.

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Laura #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

I read ‘Help Meet’ and my whole life changed, but I had this great burden I carried of trying to be this good ‘help meet’ to my ungrateful, unsaved husband…until I started listening to your free Romans download (www.nogreaterjoy.org). I laugh and cry at the same time while I listen. I can’t believe how free I am! I am free in Christ Jesus to walk after the Spirit, the flesh is dead and I am alive in Christ! Praise the Lord! Celebrating Christmas this year with my children with a smile that won’t leave my face, serving my ‘head’ with renewed energy and joy. My husband doesn’t notice; he doesn’t even really know me (a busy, commanding, visionary that I am happy to help). But I am sure he is enjoying the benefits, all this help without complaint. What is to complain about? I am being led by the Spirit.

I used to think “What about my needs?” “Don’t I at least get to talk to you once in a while since you are my husband, instead of just taking orders?” “What about a little affection or romance?” But he just doesn’t have the time. One night after a very exhausting day I was praying and realized this is God’s will for my life: that I be a help meet to this man. But instead of feeling the burden of something I didn’t want, I realized God knows best. This realization that to finish in me this work that He started, for me to do and be all He created me to be. I had to live this life and be “deprived” (that’s the world talking) of a friendly romantic relationship with my husband. It may always be a master/servant kind of marriage, but Praise be to the Lord, because I don’t care anymore. I am free and now when I tell my children to be happy, and when I say “OK” to my husband, “OK, baby, whatever you say. I love you,” I am saying it with a happy face. I think my husband is the most handsome wonderful man alive and someday he may think something good about me, but if not, Praise be to GOD, because I am free. I could never believe in the Love of God really, that God’s love is so good, had I not learned the lessons you taught me from Romans. Thank you for making it free. God bless you.

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Debi Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

A few men are born with more than their share of dominance and, on the surface, a deficit in gentleness. They often end up in positions that command other men. We will call them Command Men. They are born leaders. They are often chosen by other men to be military commanders, politicians, preachers, heads of corporations, and managers of businesses. Winston Churchill, George Patton, and Ronald Reagan are examples of dominant men. Since our world needs only a few leaders, God seems to limit the number of these Command Men. These men see life as if they are looking from a high mountain, they see the big picture rather than individual needs.

They are known for expecting their wives to wait on them hand and foot. A Command Man does not want his wife involved in any project that prevents her from serving him. If you are blessed to be married to a strong, forceful, bossy man, as I am, then it is very important for you learn how to make an appeal without challenging his authority. We will discuss how to make an appeal later in this book.

Command Men have less tolerance, so they will often walk off and leave their clamoring wife before she has a chance to realize that she is even close to losing her marriage. By the time she realizes that there is a serious problem, she is already a divorced mother seeking help in how to raise her children alone. A woman can fight until she is blue in the face, yet the Command Man will not yield. Yielding would be against his personhood. He is not as intimate or vulnerable as are other men in sharing his personal feelings or vocation with his wife. He seems to be sufficient unto himself. It is awful being shut out. A woman married to a Command Man has to earn her place in his heart by proving that she will stand by her man, faithful, loyal, and obedient. When she has won his confidence, he will treasure her to the extreme.

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Michael Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

Recently, a mother told us that after cracking down on her children with consistent use of the rod, one child thanked God for making his mama sweeter. The increased spankings had reduced disobedience, causing the child to be more in harmony with his mother. He interpreted this to be a sweeter mother, for three spankings a day are much less stressful than fifty scowls of disapproval. So we see that it is God’s love for us that motivates his acts of chastisement.

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Michael Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

For authority to be respected it must have the power to impose consequences without limitation. Where the authority can be pushed to a point of helplessness, the lawbreaker will not fear and will set himself to do as he pleases. The Bible describes it this way: “Because sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil (Ecclesiastes 8:11).” The authorities of our country are respected according to the degree they have the power and the will to investigate and apply force to the lawbreakers.
When our children are old enough to have developed sufficient independence, they will join society, playing the game of life by the rules they learned when they were young and vulnerable. Christians seek to train their children to choose the good of others and the glory of God above their own pleasure. Such dedication and commitment is rare outside the community of Bible believers. Just as God gave the state the power and the duty to wield the sword, he gave parents the authority to apply the rod. To the young child, it is ultimate power. It is the child’s assurance that he can never win against authority.

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Michael Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

Proper application of the rod is essential to communicating the Christian world-view.
During the developing years, from birth through six or seven, the rod is an indispensable aid in providing the child with a controlled learning experience that will prepare him to make proper decisions when he is older.
The rod mirrors the laws of nature.
Nature is controlled by fixed laws. If a child violates them he may break bones, get burned, drown, poison his body, or suffer harm in a thousand ways. The laws of nature must be discovered and respected. In the natural world all actions have consequences. Nature never forgives. If parents allow a child to break the laws of nature, but somehow protect him from suffering any consequences, they would be communicating a false sense of reality.
You can tell a child not to touch medicines and poisons, not to play with fire or gasoline, not to get in the road, not to play under parked automobiles, not to climb the stairs, the ladder, or the 100-foot electrical tower. Then when he disobeys and doesn’t immediately suffer ill effects, he stops trusting your word. When he eventually meets with disaster, you can then stand and cry and tell the authorities how he was strong-willed and would not obey you. You can stand over his broken body and wish you had watched him more closely. Or, before tragedy falls on the unknowing child, you can enforce your words with painful consequences that mirror the real world. Your consequences can be immediate and consistent, thus conditioning him to respect commands. You can teach the two-year-old that “no” means no, and it means no every time. You can guarantee that the child learns about cause and effect, about the certain danger of doing your own thing without regard to the consequences.
The real world is a place of potential pain. The stakes are too high to allow a child to hopefully stumble upon reality before suffering serious damage. How old will he have to be, or how much will he have to suffer before he learns? Or will he ever learn? Will he grow up with a love of defying the odds and throwing it all to the wind? Will tragedy fall later in life because his parents caused him to believe that he could get away with anything? When a child is not old enough to understand the danger of playing in the street, he is able to understand that leaving the yard today will cause him to meet with the same painful switching he received yesterday when he crawled out of the yard. The rod is a little pain of inoculation against a more painful and deadly disease of getting hit by a car. The properly applied rod will teach your child to safely navigate through the dangers of his environment.

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Debi Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

Over the years I have heard many women speak in front of their husbands about how they are praying God will have his way in their families. Or they will brag about what a wonderful sermon that was and how they want that in their home. As I stand there listening, I am embarrassingly aware that their husbands are being reduced to carnal nincompoops.
Do you meet eyes with the children and silently communicate your disappointment?
The man can’t complain that his wife doesn’t obey him, because she does. He can’t say she speaks evil toward him, because she doesn’t. He can’t fault her in any way. But he is often angry; he feels he is not respected and honored; he feels the fool. And somehow for all her years of faithful prayer, he never becomes a mighty man of God. In front of the children, she patronizes him. She doesn’t know it, and he can’t explain it, but the kids grow up feeling it all the same. It reaps anger, frustration, belligerence, irritation in the dad, dislike among siblings, and, in young adults, disrespect for their mother. The Scripture tells us “Every wise woman buildeth her house; but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”
The children are subtly being persuaded that the head of the house is not really the spiritual leader and therefore not to be highly regarded—in fact he is a detriment to the growth of the family. No wonder when they become teens they treat their dad like the burden she has contrived him to be. Of course, when the children are young, Mom seems like a strong, spiritual woman, but as they mature they look at her with the same critical eyes of judgment she has used on Dad. Every look of irreverence toward Dad is now multiplied and sent back in her direction (Matt. 7:1–5). She has trained her children well in the folly of disrespect and irreverence. They might obey because she has obeyed, but what is obedience without honor?

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Ray Fournier #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

Public school teacher says, “Get your children out!”
As I step out of my car and begin my long walk across the parking lot I can already feel the oppression in the air. With each step I take the darkness increases and I know deep in my soul that I am now behind enemy lines. Walking through the gates of the public high-school where I teach feels as if I were walking into a concentration camp dedicated to the spiritual death of those imprisoned behind these walls. As a missionary masquerading as one of the “guards” I am an eyewitness to the daily indoctrination and spiritual torture that is inflicted upon those who have been sentenced to come here by their own well meaning parents. The defiling effects of the government curriculum, the media, and the student culture can be seen everywhere you look, but especially in the faces of every student that I teach.
When I look around the room as I’m teaching one of my classes, I am all too aware that 15 out of 30 of these dear children are sexually active (1). You see, sexual immorality with several partners throughout high school is the norm. Our sex-crazed American culture has defiled the minds and bodies of our sons and daughters. So much so that 23 out of 30 believe that homosexuality is acceptable (2). 12 out of 30 have used marijuana. 14 don’t see a great risk in heavy daily drinking (3). 18 have cheated on a test during the last year, 9 stole from a store, 24 have lied to their parents about something significant, and even though they have done these things 28 out of 30 are satisfied with their personal ethics and character (4). My heart breaks over the moral decline of our youth, but we have an even bigger problem.

Between 70-88% (5,6) of children from Christian homes walk away from the visible church by the end of their freshman year in college. Less than 1% of all Americans between the ages of 18 and 23 have a Biblical worldview including those that came from Christian families (7). The fastest growing religious group in America is made up of atheists and agnostics including many of our own children (8). God is being mocked as the minds and hearts of our children are being stolen by the world leading millions of them to spiritual destruction. The question is why is this happening? There are many contributing factors to this crisis, but there is one factor that almost 9 out of 10 Christian families have in common. 89% of Christian parents send their children to the public schools (9).
The idea that public school curriculum is religiously neutral is a lie. Evolution based science classes discredit the reliability of the Bible and get rid of God as Creator. History classes get rid of God as Sovereign King and demonize Christianity. English classes reinforce this message through the literature they assign their students to read. This deliberate indoctrination encourages students to break each and every one of the Ten Commandments and sabotages the message of the gospel. By getting rid of God, they get rid of His absolute moral law. Without God and an absolute moral law, the idea of sin and God’s judgment becomes a figment of someone’s imagination leaving students to sin to their hearts’ content. Without the reality of sin and hell, Jesus suffering God’s wrath on the cross in our place becomes an unnecessary myth, and the call to repent of our sins and trust in Jesus as our Lord and Savior becomes foolishness to the minds and hearts of public school indoctrinated youth. This has led millions of our own children down the broad road to spiritual destruction.

You might think that you are doing enough in the personal discipleship of your children to counteract this ungodly teaching or that by taking your children to a strong Bible believing church your children will be able to survive the public schools, but that is not what the statistics say or what I have personally witnessed during my 13 years of experience as a public school teacher. On the contrary, what I have seen is the destruction of countless children from Christian families, including many who went to doctrinally sound churches.

One such family that I knew from church was the Walsh (10) family. The Walsh family home-schooled their children for many years but when two of their daughters reached high-school age, they decided to send them to the public school where I teach. As soon as I found out about their decision, I warned them about the spiritual dangers of public education, but sadly they ignored my warning. It was as if their daughters where placed inside a spiritual gas chamber. It didn’t take long for the poison to take effect. Within a year’s time one of them even became a lesbian. My heart broke each and every time I saw her walk around campus with her girlfriend. I can only imagine how utterly devastated her family must feel.
Stories such as this one have become all too common, but not all corruption is out in plain sight. I have seen many of our children pretend that they are who their parents want them to be, only to change their outfits, their personalities, and their moral values as soon as they get to school. The public schools steal the hearts and souls of our children long before they walk away from the visible church; many as early as elementary school, 40% by end of middle school, and 80% by the end of their senior year of high school (11). As a result, our families are crumbling, our churches are weakening, and our nation is on the road to becoming the next Sodom and Gomorrah.
At the end of every day, as I walk through the halls and glance into the empty classrooms, the whispers of lawlessness haunt each corner and desk while the stench of spiritual death lingers. I think back to everything that I witnessed throughout the day and I wonder how Christian parents could possibly think that this godless institution is the type of “education” that God intended for their children. If they only knew what was happening to their children “behind enemy lines” and what God actually says regarding education, they would not hesitate to rescue their children from the public schools and provide for them a Biblical education for the glory of God.
In the end, only God can save our children, only God can save our families and churches, and only God can save our nation. With that said, God often uses our obedience as a means to protect our children from evil and to lead them to a relationship with Christ. Seize the day! Even if you are in the middle of the school year, rescue your children from the public schools and return to the Word of God for His commands and principles on how to educate your children for His glory.
To learn more about what God says regarding education and a firsthand public school teacher’s account about what is really happening “behind enemy lines” please go to www.EducationReformation.org to read my book Education Reformation for free.

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Michael Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

Girls do not just grow into sexual interest and passion. They must be conditioned to it by some outside influence. But boys develop sexual passion by just going through puberty. No one need tell them anything. It is their destiny.

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Beka #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

Another precaution my parents took was to limit—almost to nothing—our staying overnight with cousins or best friends. Now, as a mother myself, I plan to eliminate that possibility altogether for my children. Even the most conservative friends and cousins of mine had told me things I shouldn’t have heard as a kid.

The statistics of child molestation in America are horrendous. One out of every two girls is messed with, and one out of every four boys. Our pastor’s wife out here in Gallup, New Mexico, made sure her daughter stayed in the bedroom with them every time they had company. Even if the company was family! She didn’t trust her own brothers and cousins around her daughter. She was wise. Her daughter is now grown and free of any grief of that sort.

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Michael Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

Now I am speaking to you, fathers. If you isolate yourself in a room and indulge in pornography, you are not sick; you are evil. You are having intercourse with a computer, or with the pages of a publication. In effect you are having an erotic experience with the editor—probably another man. While you are fanaticizing with that commercially produced image, know that there are thousands of others engaged in eroticism with the same image, at the same time as you. You are part of a disgusting group of perverts, all piled onto the same image together. And somewhere there is a sexually dysfunctional editor enjoying the extent of his erotic powers.

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Debi Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

(note to all: I didn't want to post the whole article, but you should read it to get the idea how utterly f*cked this is, basically socially prostituting your children.)

Article: Need a Spouse...ANYONE?

I guess the moral to this tale is—Brothers, do your duty! If you have older unmarried sisters…shame on you. Get out and meet some men who might be a proper match for your sisters. Invite them home, plan a big feed. Talk to your sisters. Talk PLAIN, bold and direct with them. Tell them what each guy likes and dislikes, his dreams and his ambitions, his taste in food and styles. Talk to your guy friends. Say something like this, “Hey, you looking for a bride? I got four sisters and would consider it a privilege for you to drop in and take your pick. My parents trust my judgment and I’m giving you high marks. Of course, my sisters are picky, and they have the last word, but I’ll throw in a good word for you with them, too. Now, the oldest sister is kinda bossy, but she always gives in after a little persuasion. She’s the smartest. So if you think you would enjoy a little challenge but get a good mate for the extra effort…she’s your gal. My next sister is not so cute, but she is the nicest of the bunch. Whoever gets her will do well, because she already makes a pile of money in her business. Then, maybe you like loud mouths. My third sister is for sure, but she can make everybody laugh. She is the life of the party. I have to admit, I like taking her with me when I travel because she gets to know everyone so easy. You’re kinda quiet, so she might be the best for you. My youngest sister is still too young for marriage, so just forget about her unless you want to go on her list of possible guys for when she gets a little older. If you’re interested in her, I can e-mail you in three or four years. So how about it…wanta check out the fam? I got four other guys coming Sunday for brunch, so you better hurry if you want the pick of the litter.”

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Michael Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

The anti-spanking campaign is a front for an anti-family agenda, a progressive socialist movement to reengineer society with government the only mentor of children. A few well placed individuals in government, media, and the educational system religiously promote a new world order where the collective state replaces God and the Constitution. They must control the minds of the citizenry if they are to institute their totalitarian policies; and they are well aware from history that mind control must begin with the youth—thus the public school system. But homeschool parents and Christian parents protect their children from corrupt worldviews. The socialists know that the last remaining bulwark against brainwashing children is parental headship—thus their hostility toward the family. As long as parents are free to pass on their culture and faith, totalitarian government is impossible.

Their earlier promotion of organic evolution was an effective wedge against Biblical faith and the dignity of man, but it has taken them as far as it can, for it is losing credibility in the face of genetic discoveries and contrary evidence. The leading edge of the attack upon parental authority is now the anti-spanking movement. They will use any means to police the home and mandate parental conduct, but they know that to receive public support their home incursion must be seen as a necessary act of compassion. They paint themselves as concerned now for the children they would have aborted a few years earlier.

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Michael Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

[Michael responds to a letter writer distraught that his son doubts the existence of God. He gives reasons why this might be.]

"Fifthly, it is often the case that a young teenager who doubts the existence of God has been exposed to science fiction in movies or video games. If that is the case all we can say is that the best salesman won.

Sixthly, if young men have had access to the web, 99% of them will look at pornography. Porno freaks suffer such guilt and lust that they do not want God to exist. It is incontinent for a great sinner to be under moral law."

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Rebekah and Gabriel Anast #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

Many parents write us saying that they are trying to protect their children’s innocence. They don’t want them to know about the evil in the world. I understand their concern. It is a sad thing that we live in a world where evil has such free reign, where child porn is a legal and accepted part of society. It is sickening. I hope the Lord returns for us soon and breaks the teeth of the ungodly before He casts them into the lake of fire, where they will be in torment for eternity.

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Rebekah and Gabriel Anast #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

Many times as a child I remember standing at Dad’s side when he would go into a gas station to prepay fuel. If the station carried pornography, Dad would scrape his money back off of the counter and tell the cashier that he could not buy gas there because he just noticed they promoted rape and child molestation. The cashier would look shocked, and Dad would point at the porn magazines behind him. The cashier ALWAYS looked guilty and ashamed. He would glance at us kids; we would all be looking at him with suspicious shock (are you a child molester???) before we turned and walked out.

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Mike Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

Anyone and everyone is a trainer, including other kids. The prevailing winds blow upon your child’s flesh and train him in degeneracy. You must interrupt that natural flow, bending the child’s soul against the force of the world, the flesh, the devil, Hollywood, relatives, baby sitters, peers, nursery workers, and books on psychology, that is, if he is to stand different from the other trees in the forest.

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Michael Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

f you feel good about a potential suitor, go to your daughter and ask her if she is open to getting better acquainted with this fellow. If she says yes, get ready to do a lot of chaperoning. It is usually pretty boring. The younger kids love it though. It gives them a lot to talk about, and they make a game of not letting the couple get away with anything. They are omnipresent. It is like having 24-hour, closed circuit surveillance of the courting couple.

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Michael Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

None of my daughters or their husbands asked the state of Tennessee for permission to marry. They did not yoke themselves to government. It was a personal, private covenant, binding them together forever—until death. So when the sodomites have come to share in the state marriage licenses, which will eventually be the law, James and Shoshanna will not be in league with those perverts. And, while I am on the subject, there will come a time when faithful Christians will either revoke their state marriage licenses and establish an exclusively one man-one woman covenant of marriage, or, they will forfeit the sanctity of their covenant by being unequally yoked together with perverts. The sooner there is such a movement, the sooner we will have a voice in government. Some of you attorneys and statesmen reading this should get together and come up with an approach that will have credibility and help to impact the political process. Please contact me when you do and I will assist with publicity.

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Micheal Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

(in reference to a suitable virgin husband for your daughter)

In our day and age, purity is so rare, that to find an overcoming young man may be the only criterion you would want to consider. Who cares if he is dumb, ugly, socially embarrassing, can’t read, and seems unable to make a living? Better to let them live down in your basement and feed them, while they sing, pray, and raise righteous kids.

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Michael Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

[on a woman's Buddhist parents living with her and teaching the children about Buddhism]

Your husband must be a pansy to allow your parents to live under his roof and teach his children lies. I would have sent them packing after one week. It is time for you to obey the first commandment and leave your father and mother. Honor them by occasional phone calls and rare visits. Send email pictures of the children growing up. But honor God and your husband first.

[...]

The Buddhist culture is based on a false worldview, not a true, Biblical worldview. It is not just an alternate culture that is to be respected as part of our tolerance for today’s growing list of politically correct “diversities”. It is a tragic lie that enslaves men and guarantees eternal darkness.

Now you know. Thanks for asking.

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Micheal Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

Raising daughters is not a good business deal. You make a twenty-year investment and then just up and give the whole thing away to an inexperienced boy who doesn’t at all appreciate the value of what he is getting, and is probably not worthy of the gift, or “theft,” as it may be. To top it all off, he changes her name – takes her out of the family, and erases all traces of her lineage. Her children will not carry on your family name!

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Micheal Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

"The homeschool movement has produced over two million of the finest human beings that America has seen in recent generations. Parents took it upon themselves to provide their children with a premeditated and sometimes prefabricated culture based on Biblical principles. Every aspect of their lives is deliberate rather than accidental. They protected their kids from the world and from unsavory influences, even going to the extreme of restructuring their church or designing small home churches where associations and influences could be controlled, leaving nothing to chance. They took into account and provided proper socialization, instilled life skills, and acquainted their children with music, art, and the sciences. For them, virginity at the marriage altar has become the unquestioned norm."

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Michael Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

We can keep our kids away from Hollywood, but aren’t our churches filled with disciples of Hollywood? We homeschool our precious children so they will not be exposed to the evil influences of public school, but then they go to church and associate with the same public school children.

...

Face it, the church today is not a sanctuary from the world, nor is it a “holy” place.

...

If they go out to the bathroom, go with them. Never allow them to spend the night with friends or cousins. Slumber parties are sin parties. Never allow them to listen to music through headphones. Three-minute phone conversations, no chat rooms, no surfing the web for any reason. Parents should make it physically impossible for them to even access the web. We didn’t allow our children to spend time in their bedrooms unless they were working on a project or reading. Bedroom doors were always kept open, except for two minutes while dressing.

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Michael Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

But results have been disappointing, even tragic, for some. A father wrote me, telling the sad story of how his homeschooled “Christian” son, eighteen years old, went off to a “Christian school” and after one year came home professing atheism. He had been “enlightened” with psychology, manuscript evidences, and philosophy. He had become sexually involved, approved of sodomy, and his choice of reading and viewing was pornography. He ridiculed the faith he seemingly held from his youth. This is one true story among an increasing number.

(Submitter note: Manuscript evidence refers to the common practice of textual criticism, which is the attempt to study and weed out copying errors by comparing different ancient texts. In other words, this kid's faith has been shattered by discovering the mere *possibility* of a typo.)

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Michael Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

It takes time and thoughtfulness for the child to come to repentance. I have told a child I was going to give him 10 licks. I count out loud as I go. After about three licks, leaving him in his position, I would stop and remind him what this is all about. I would continue slowly, still counting, stop again and tell him that I know it hurts and I wish I didn’t have to do it but that it is for his own good. Then I would continue slowly. Pretending to forget the count, I would again stop at about eight and ask him the number. Have him subtract eight from ten, (a little homeschooling) and continue with the final two licks. Then I would have him stand in front of me and ask him why he got the spanking. If his answer showed that he was rebellious and defiant, he would get several more licks. Again he would be questioned as to his offense. If he showed total submission, we put it all behind us, but if he were still rebellious, we would continue until he gave over his will. Only about three of our five children ever resisted after a spanking and refused to cooperate. Each of the three required only one experience of continued spankings until they surrendered. None of the three ever tried it a second time. In all cases, it was between the ages of two and four that they tried their moment of defiance.

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Michael Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

Children need three square meals of Bible stories every day. You don’t need to sit down and read a book or arrange some formal religious event. Recount the truths of God in conversation all day long. Deliberately cause them to know the Bible from beginning to end, so that when an important issue comes up, you can draw upon those events to illustrate any point you need to make. They should be caused to view the world through God’s Bible glasses. This is not indoctrination.

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Michael Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

[Response to a letter written about little kids who steal food from the pantry and won't admit to the thievery]

Get a hidden camera that comes on when the beam is interrupted. They are used to photograph animals and can be purchased for less than $100.00. Install it secretly and wait for the lying thief to appear.
First, get each one to sign a statement that they will not steal sweets. If one of them steals, wait for a week to see if the others will as well. Them come down on them with a charge of theft and be prepared to show your evidence. Three good spankings will be in order, plus one year with no sweets.

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Michael Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

I’ve likely alarmed you, and you are now asking, “What can I do to guarantee that my children (or my grandchildren) become real, born-again Christians?” ... most importantly of all, they must be raised on the Bible stories, not children’s Bible stories, but real adult Bible stories of law, sin, judgment, repentance, faith, heaven and hell. Reality. Don’t raise your children to live in a make-believe world…teach them TRUTH.... Instill a Biblical reality.

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Michael Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

Now I am speaking to you, fathers. If you isolate yourself in a room and indulge in pornography, you are not sick; you are evil. You are having intercourse with a computer, or with the pages of a publication. In effect you are having an erotic experience with the editor—probably another man. While you are fanaticizing with that commercially produced image, know that there are thousands of others engaged in eroticism with the same image, at the same time as you. You are part of a disgusting group of perverts, all piled onto the same image together. And somewhere there is a sexually dysfunctional editor enjoying the extent of his erotic powers.

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Mike and Debi Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

You must create a social circle for your children. It may be limited to just one or two other families who share your world-view, for you can be sure that when a handful of teenagers get together, at least one of them is going to introduce corruption to the others. We never allowed our children to stay overnight with other kids. When they wanted to go down to the local church on Saturday night to skate, Mike went with them. We never allowed them to go to parties unless one of us was there. We created our own fun that was far more exciting than the church gatherings. They never felt they were missing anything

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Gabriel Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

[Note: You should really check out the main website; fundie parents' guide to the evil world]

Recently we got PBS, Public Broadcasting Service. It’s a relatively clean, commercial free, government station that comes in free over the air with a lot of nature shows and some great programs for kids, but I’ve noticed an underlying tone in some of the kids’ shows. It’s not always out front, but it’s always there. It’s like a strange worldwide conspiracy. It’s the religion of tolerance. It’s one of the things the Muslims hate so much about us. It started as a snowball, but has become an avalanche. It’s constantly smothering the flame of truth, to the point where we become a lukewarm television-preacher society, incapable of standing up in a crowd of people and declaring that there is only one God and one way to him.

...their main agenda isn’t really freedom of choice or right to push their so-called gay lifestyle onto our children, but it is the slow, persistent neutering of the truth that almost makes it unrecognizable. Fellow Christians, the world would like nothing better than for us to feel guilty about boldly standing up and saying that God is the only God and that He hates sin and is not tolerant of it. We are strangers and pilgrims in this world, but clearly not of it, so let’s guard our minds from the world’s influence, especially the developing minds of our children.

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Michael & Debi Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

You must create a social circle for your children. It may be limited to just one or two other families who share your world-view, for you can be sure that when a handful of teenagers get together, at least one of them is going to introduce corruption to the others. We never allowed our children to stay overnight with other kids. When they wanted to go down to the local church on Saturday night to skate, Mike went with them. We never allowed them to go to parties unless one of us was there. We created our own fun that was far more exciting than the church gatherings. They never felt they were missing anything

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Debi Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

[Answering a question about a woman who has an abusive husband, emphasis mine]
The Scripture makes it very clear how God feels about divorce, He hates it. It is an Old Testament passage, but God has not changed his mind. He still hates divorce. It is not His will, it wasn't so from the beginning, and it is not so today. There have been occasions, both in Scripture and in our ministry, where a man was so vile that God has killed him. A woman can come to God asking Him to deliver her from a man if he will not repent, but a woman should be sure she has obeyed God in her relationship to her husband, before she asks such a thing.

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Michael #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

When you chunk a bad marriage, you chunk your lifelong opportunity for God to have manifested his power and glory. A failing marriage is a challenge to God. [...]

If you or your children have been hit (other than the children being spanked) so as to leave discernable marks two hours later, and you genuinely fear that he will repeat his battering, you can take legal steps without divorcing your husband. In a moment when he is not angry, calmly inform him that the next time he physically assaults you or the kids, you are going to call the law and have him arrested. You must first resolve in your heart that you are willing to prosecute him and see him go to jail. I visit prisons every week. It is a great place to mull over the consequences of one’s deeds. And I have never met a prisoner that turned down a visit from anyone. Think about it, lady; it is a great time for writing love letters and sharing a three-minute romantic phone call once a week. Guys who get out of prison run straight home to their ladies and treat them wonderfully—for a while anyway.

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Michael #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

But if your husband has sexually molested the children, you should approach him with it. If he is truly repentant (not just exposed) and is willing to seek counseling, you may feel comfortable giving him an opportunity to prove himself, as long as you know the children are safe. If there is any thought that they are not safe, or if he is not repentant and willing to seek help, then go to the law and have him arrested. Stick by him, but testify against him in court. Have him do about 10 to 20 years, and by the time he gets out, you will have raised the kids, and you can be waiting for him with open arms of forgiveness and restitution. Will this glorify God? Forever. You ask, "What if he doesn’t repent even then?" Then you will be rewarded in heaven equal to the martyrs, and God will have something to rub in the Devil’s face. God hates divorce—always, forever, regardless, without exception.

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Michael Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

When you tune in to electronic pornography you have established a two-way link with the spiritual underworld. When you lie in bed at night and conjure up wicked images, the devils won’t stop with your mind; they will gleefully rush into the bedrooms of your children and assault their little souls and bodies. Evil thoughts will come to their minds – thoughts you have been thinking that are telegraphed to them by the devils. Your defenseless children will be taken captive, and you are the one that threw the gate open to the enemy.

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mike pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

None of my daughters or their husbands asked the state of Tennessee for permission to marry. They did not yoke themselves to government. It was a personal, private covenant, binding them together forever—until death. So when the sodomites have come to share in the state marriage licenses, which will eventually be the law, James and Shoshanna will not be in league with those perverts. And, while I am on the subject, there will come a time when faithful Christians will either revoke their state marriage licenses and establish an exclusively one man-one woman covenant of marriage, or, they will forfeit the sanctity of their covenant by being unequally yoked together with perverts.

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debbi pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

After much soul-searching and many botched ideas, I finally told Nathan that I realized he was a liar, even though I couldn’t catch him red-handed in his lies. I told him that God hated lying, that I hated it, that I had failed him, and that it was very important that he not continue to be a liar. I informed him that everyday for the next seven days, I was going to give him 10 licks at noon. He was to bring me the switch and I would spank him for being a liar. So everyday, he would bring me the switch at noon. If he failed to provide the switch at noon, he got additional licks. He was timely with the switch. It forced him to spend his mornings considering which branch to cut from the willow tree and how long he had left before the hour of chastisement was at hand.

When the clock struck twelve, I very calmly, and without pity, reminded him, “You are a liar, and lying is an ugly, hateful thing. In order that your soul shall be spared, I’m going to whip you.” That was all I said, no praying, no sermons, no “you break my heart” appeals. I would cause him to bend over on the couch, and I would give him the 10 licks.

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mike pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

If you have trained properly, this may never happen to your child, but if it does come to this, you are not helpless. The soul of your child needs to be punished. He feels the need to suffer for his misdeeds. What I am telling you is well understood by the most reprobate of modern psychiatrists and psychologists. They call it a “guilt complex.” Children and adults in this state of mind often do harm to themselves. Their anger is turned inward because they hate the bad person they know themselves to be. Their soul is crying out for justice to be done to the self. They don’t know what is happening, and they will not voluntarily seek punishment, but their soul needs judgment. When your child is in the first throes of this debilitating condition, be kind enough to punish him. Care enough and love enough to pay the emotional sacrifice to give him ten to fifteen licks that will satisfy his need to experience payback.

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mike pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

So we watch him, knowing his propensity to selfish compulsion. When he seizes his bowl with intentions of dumping it, swat the offending hand with a little instrument (light wooden spoon, rubber spatula, flexible tubing less than a quarter inch in diameter, or any instrument that will cause an unpleasant sting without leaving any marks). As you swat the offending hand, say “No” in a normal commanding voice.

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"heartbroken" #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

She has absolutely no respect for me, is very rebellious toward me, and outwardly refuses to obey me in nearly every manner possible. She does not acknowledge that I have any authority over her. I have told her that she needs to obey me and leave it up to God to deal with me if I am wrong. I am heartbroken. I have been unable to make her happy in nearly everything for years. I feel that she needs a serious trial to bring her to her senses.

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Mike Pearl #fundie nogreaterjoy.org

The people who condemn Biblical chastisement do not believe the Bible. They judge others by their own experience. The only time they have “hit” their children, or been tempted to, was when they were angry. They assume that when we spank it is with the same hostility they have felt. Having never experienced it, they do not understand the meaning of loving discipline applied for the child’s own good. And they cannot fathom the sweet fruit that the properly applied rod produces in the soul of the child.