kuyohashi

@kuyohashi

Bennett Lee Ross #crackpot #magick #conspiracy

And thus the Stupid Riddlers were so joined by the Idiot Hannibal Lecters - cannibals who secretly run things, and hide their horrible truths where any Clorox-swilling internet troll can see them.

Donald Trump #wingnut #conspiracy #psycho #pratt #dunning-kruger

@TFAltHist #214367

Did…did he just openly promise to go to war with Denmark?

Not officially (’cause he can't do that. Yet.). But…yeah. Yeah, he did.

Especially since Canada being admitted as a single state (instead of each of its provinces being admitted as states) doesn’t make much sense.

The idiot doesn't realize that we've got 41 million people up here, which would make us more populous than California, and that only the most hat-chewingest self-centered assholes amongst us (so, like…Hatebaby, I guess) are what Americans would consider ‘conservative.’ My dad and sister are conservative with a big ‘C’, they despise Trudeau, and even they would be considered left-wing pinko commies by American standards.

Elena Danaan #ufo #magick #conspiracy

@Conscience #214353

But how else would anyone learn to pierce the veil of bullshit these wackos spread? It's not as if there's a vast worldwide web of information one could easily access from their computer, or hell, their fucking phones, with which they could then debunk said bullshit.

Donald Trump #wingnut #conspiracy #psycho #pratt #dunning-kruger

“There won't be any wars under my administration! Except I'm gonna totally invade four fucking countries and expand the Empire, but those don't count as wars, because I don't understand that the countries I want to invade have allies that aren't us and who will respect mutual defense agreements! How could World War Three possibly come about because of my shoe-chewing idiocy? “

MarthaMMC, Wsbfom01 & Lipsy #transphobia

“And now that we've sacrificed the TQ+es to the monstrous hydra of bigotry, the frummers are sure to leave us LGBses alone. After all, we're all on the same side here, right?

Right?

Yeah, it's not like we were their target until another outgroup started making inroads, and now that we’ve properly stomped all over this other group, they totally won't remember that we used to be the boogeyman de jour and try to do the same thing to us. That could never happen.”

Parents With Inconvenient Truths about Trans #transphobia

Y’all do know those chains represented shit Marley failed to do while he was alive, right? Every time he ignored a charitable act, he got a chain link, or a lockbox. So what, trans!Marley gets a shiny new chain for every penis left uninverted, every shot of HRT uninjected?

Also, I love how they've developed more psychic powers, as their plot demands. First, they had the ability to know a person's innermost thoughts, and now they can see the future!

Albert Yockey and Harold Connell #wingnut #psycho

WHAT!?! YOU MEAN SNOOZY JIM BRANDON JUST OPENED UP THE PRISON DOORS AND LET ALL THOSE KILLERS, TERRORISTS, AND PEOPLE WHO RECORD MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL GAMES WITHOUT EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION JUST WALK FREE?

OH, HE DIDN'T? THEY STILL HAVE TO ROT IN PRISON FOR THE REST OF THEIR MISERABLE LIVES? SO THEY STILL AREN'T A THREAT TO THE GENERAL POPULATION ANYMORE? THEN WHY ARE WE ALL YELLING?

Besides, give it a couple weeks and Trump will have someone executed. Probably someone who dared to get his Mickey D's order wrong. Woe unto the damned soul who dares to put lettuce and tomato upon his cheeseberder.

various commenters #transphobia

Huh.

And here I thought the only place you could find a Dixiecrat in the 21st Century was on Isla Nublar.

“We were Democrats until they decided to stop using the n-word!” Same fucking vibe here. And I predict it will end the same way, too.

Also, “mildly offbeat opinion?”

“I don't think these people really exist, and if they do, they shouldn't!” isn't ‘mildly offbeat,’ it's dehumanizing, unpersoning, and softly genocidal.

Clif High #ufo #crackpot #conspiracy

Andrew Tate #crackpot #dunning-kruger #homophobia #psycho #sexist

Men who drink water are gay. Men who eat food are gay. Men who read books are gay. Men who fuck women are gay. And now, men who sleep are gay.

Let me know when the Grand Arbiter of Masculinity declares that men who breathe air are gay.

Candace Owens #conspiracy #dunning-kruger

Now, does Candy Owens hate vaccines because she's an idiot mouthpiece for the most ignorant slice of the demographic, or does she hate vaccines because Jonas Salk was Jewish? You decide!

Donald Trump #wingnut

I just love how the rebuttals are all, “dude, we tried that, it was called the War of 1812, they responded by walking all the way to the capital and burning down the Presidential Mansion.

Twice.

While Drunk.”

As if Donald knows anything about history.

And yeah, it was actually the British that burned the Presidential Mansion (we weren't confederated until 1867) but that seems to be the only Canadian military victory Americans know.

Meanwhile, Passchendaele, the Dieppe, the Somme, Vimy Ridge, the Netherlands, Normandy…

We've been fighting and dying on godforsaken, mud-soaked plots of foreign soil for 109 years. Does he honestly think we won't do the same for our own godforsaken, mud-soaked plot of soil?

Tatsuya Ishida #racist #conspiracy

So only DefCon 3? I may be wrong about this, but isn't DefCon worse the lower the number is? So DefCon 3, out of 4 categories, isn't all that bad.

Again, I'm not military so I might be wrong on that, but it seems he is basically saying, “Oh no, Nefarious Overlords Ruling From the Shadows! Someone arched their eyebrow in my general direction, clearly they are a threat to our Nefarious Secret Plans, we must launch the StarKiller Platform and scour the Earth clean of all life!”

Brother Nathanael #racist #wingnut #conspiracy

“I'm seeing brown people! That means the Jews are shipping them here! Or teleporting, they do that you know!”

Ooooor, brown people who came here decades ago are having kids. Brown people can be born in the US, you used gym sock of a human being.

The Old #crackpot #magick #conspiracy

1) If your assertion that the foundations of modern science were false, then none of the modern technology based on that science would work. Assuming this message travels from my laptop to the wider web, that does not seem to be the case.

2) Yes, there is plasma in blood. It's the liquidy part, the stuff left behind when you strip out all the blood cells. This plasma is not the same as quantum plasma, which is just hyperheated matter in a fully energetic state.

3) Your entire conspiracy depends on the whole human race being wiped out or losing it's memory. Why did nobody ever ask, “hey, whatever happened to that vast global empire that ruled our lives and provided us with Magitek?” Did they not notice? Or, did it never exist at all. If the PTB covered up the Empire’s existence so thoroughly, to the point that people who would have lived in the Empire at the height of it's power have no memory of the Empire, then how did you learn about it?

4) I'm looking to experiment with powerful hallucinogenics so as to experience a journey through the cosmos. Hook a brother up?

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. #quack #dunning-kruger #ableist

“Hello there, fellow struggling addict. Have you ever thought of surrendering to slavery to cure your addiction?”

Also, if we're sending benzo-addie junkies to the farms for four year stints, I got a candidate in mind. He's a slum-lord game show host with delusions of intelligence and competence, and getting him onto the farms for four years would do the world a world of good. He can start Jan. 20th at the earliest.

Wanda Gordon #transphobia

@Malingspann #213514

Unless the 25th amendment is invoked to remove Trump from office after less than four years.

Do you honestly see anyone from his camp being willing to pull that particular cord? Dotard could be standing at the podium, drooling like a lobotomite, taking a Mitch McConnell moment like his brain just jumped the track, before coming back to reality precisely long enough to declare war on the ocean - any ocean! All the oceans! They're not sending their best and their brightest, they're sending Great Whites and Makos and angler fish and, he assumes, some very fine guppies - then spending the next eight minutes sharting himself, and his cult will proclaim his every word and fragrant emanation to be divinely inspired and that the mere suggestion he be put out to pasture or that he's a mere mortal must be met with lethal force.

It's either they defend him and his power with their dying breathes, or else they risk someone from the other party getting into office and actually trying to help the country, and they simply can't have that.

Batman #wingnut #ufo

Clif High #crackpot #ufo #racist #wingnut #conspiracy

If your aliens can be befuddled by the meagre yield of terrestrial nuclear facilities and weapons, how in the name of the Great and Glorious Gazoo do they navigate the roentgenian hellscape that is the greater galaxy?

Robin #fundie

Elon Musk #elitist

I wasn't violent when I was homeless, but shit like this makes me want to perform some curbside knee surgery on Elmo with a tire iron.

John. C Wright #racist

A translation from John C. Wright into English:

“Of course THAT'S how Affirmative Action works! They just pull in the first black face they see off the street and slap a diploma and/or cushy, high-paying job into his hand! No, it isn't a bulwark against racial discrimination, that stuff's illegal, and nobody would ever break the law just to fit in their biases and bigotries! No black person could ever be qualified for a WHITE job, that's just silly! It's all DEI! What's next, a half-Latino half-Irish Spider-Man? A mosaic of Green Lanterns? A black man wearing the Iron Man armour? A RED Hulk?? When do they people I hate stop intruding on my childhood pretend time!!”

Raw Milk Institute #pratt #quack #dunning-kruger #crackpot

@ShatteredGlassSkywarp #213344

Either way, the whole Civil War could have been settled in a Hell in the Cell match, if Jefferson Davis hadn't been such a whiny little bitch about it.

Galva Emporer #conspiracy #crackpot #wingnut

“Guys, for serious, I wanted to be a decent human being, a good president, a loyal husband, a successful businessman, a role model to future generations, and somebody who distanced themselves from their racist daddy and pimp grampa while also not creeping on underaged girls, up to and including my own offspring, but the wokies won't let me! Putting women and minorities in things and not being a racist doucheblender have forced me to pick up the slack! There must be a balance in the Force, and by Force, I naturally mean the thing I use to get laid. For every decent person out there, I must be ever-worse, to keep things fair and even! It's not my fault, guys!”

Raw Milk Institute #pratt #quack #dunning-kruger #crackpot

Raw milk also contains any viruses, bacteria, or phytotoxins the cattle may ingest or develop. Nancy Hanks Lincoln died from drinking contaminated raw milk after one of her cows ate white snakeroot. You've probably heard of her son, Abraham. He was kinda famous. Invented the bodyslam, I think.

Various Commenters #wingnut #moonbat #dunning-kruger #transphobia

@DarkPhoenix #213275

Trump, go fuck yourself. From Canada.

On the Plains of Abraham, in the middle of a colony of beavers, smothered in piping hot poutine from Timmies, with Maurice ‘The Rocket’ Richard's rusty hockey skate, all the way to Saska-Fuckin’-Toon, while groaning in pain to the tune of Stompin’ Tom Connor's ‘Good Ol’ Hockey Game', as the cast of ‘The Beachcombers’ provide commentary, and broadcast the whole thing on CBC, may he go fuck himself.

I may have somewhat fervorous disdain for those who ‘joke’ about usurping my country's sovereignty.

State of the Nation Editor #racist #wingnut #crackpot #conspiracy

Mark McAfee #conspiracy

For the last 40 years the FDA has hated raw milk. There is Bizarre crazy suppression of raw milk anywhere any way they can do it

Weird, how the people in charge of making sure the food and drugs that go into public consumption are safe for said public consumption, would for some fucking reason have an issue with selling unsafe, unfiltered product. Seriously, pasteurization exists for a fucking reason, Mark, and the fact that your stuff got pinged for Bird Flu only drives that home.

Gaybullyingitisreal #homophobia #conspiracy

"The gays bully us by making annoying noises everytime we kick them! Why do they insist on assailing our pure hetero eardrums with their squeals and moans of pain when we kick them? Why won't they stop bullying me with their suffering!?!”

Rina Bogart #crackpot #magick #conspiracy #mammon

…If the Egyptians had the secret to sonic weaponry and technology - all of which was no doubt made of fucking limestone - why did they not conquer the Greeks and the Romans? Surely they would have been entitled to conquering the entire world, no? After all, the pharaoh was the literal offspring of the literal sun-god. You can't call yourself the child of the sun-god and then act all humble when you have sonic blasters hiding in your limestone energy reactors, right?

Stormy-Chameleon #fundie #wingnut

@CocoSmiles #212945

Oh my fucking god, that's my comment! I did it, everyone, I fucking broke someone on the internet!

And I was avoiding being my usual snarky self, too.

Parents With Inconvenient Truths about Trans #transphobia

“My child kept things from me and won't return my calls! Couldn't have been anything I did, I love them so much, provided they fit in this tiny little box I built for them and never ever ever ever deviate from the lifepath I planned out for them in any way whatsoever! Musta been Satan.”

Dennis Prager simps #crackpot #wingnut

Dennis Prager believes that entire groups of the human race should be murdered by a government controlled by like-minded individuals. He has produced cartoons justifying slavery. He believes openly that science must be cast aside and replaced with superstition. Go up to one of the people he wants executed by the state for existing-while-icky and tell them that he's not an extremist.

Mikey Gilby #dunning-kruger

For context, if it weren't already painfully obvious, this is in response to the fuckwomble US representative who said that same-sex marriage should be made ‘illegal’ again, and that saying such was neither controversial nor extreme.

When these four years are done, those leopards are going to need a lot of Jenny Craig to work off all that face-gorging weight they'll have accrued.

(Haha, of course I'm only kidding. In four years we'll be lucky if any life-form more advanced than a planarian worm still exists, let alone leopards.)

David Guyll #pratt #homophobia

I don't know quite what games David has been playing, but I bet when he plays FATAL and rolls for anal circumference, it's always exactly the right size to accommodate his fucking head.

Eric Hovind #conspiracy #fundie

@Malingspann #212651

Yes.

None of my usual jackassery, no jokes, no qualifiers. Bluntly, yes. Yes he does.

Steven Scherer/James Rink #ufo #magick #conspiracy

Wow, this is just insane.

I mean, I was the real Commander Shepard, and I don't remember any of this happening while I was off saving the galaxy from the combined forces of Darth Vader, Lord Voldemort, and the Blue Meanies. I do believe John 117 here might be full of it.

Eric Hovind #conspiracy #fundie

Your version? “Everything was great until people started doing their own thinking, and now everybody is bad and rotten and evil and deserves to not only die horribly, but be tortured forever and ever unless they kiss the ass of the insecure narcissist who created the whole problem in the first place!”

Versus:

“Species adapt to their surroundings over the span of generations, thereby becoming more likely to survive said surroundings.”

John C. Wright #racist

“And then,” John continued, ignoring the flecks of spittle collecting at the edges of his lips, “I told mah young’ins about how after all the races held hands and sang Kumbaya, we all rode off into the sky on the backs of Pegasi, only it wasn't gay in the least because those people hadn't been invented yet! Lynchings? Martin Luthor who? Rosewood Massacre? Tulsa City Riots? Never heard of any of them! And I don't intend to learn about them, because they make the imaginary America I live in all blurry and bad and make me cry.”

Jesse Lee Peterson #crackpot #dunning-kruger

People don't understand what it is to live a life without thinking.

Jesse, you do know that other people can see your tweets, right? They're a pretty good window into what a life devoid of any kind of intelligent thought can look like.

Mountain_Man_88 #crackpot

@Percy_Jelley #212460

Damn you, I just got this earworm out of my head.

Gah, and now all I can hear is the SNES version. Fuuuuuuuuuck.

Eric Hovind #fundie

Well, Eric, it's almost like there's this species of higher primate capable of environmental observation and abstract conceptualization, who noticed that certain events seem to occur in conjunction with certain stellar or astronomical phenomena. The sun doesn't tell time, this species of smart chimp figured out how to tell time using the sun. The moon doesn't measure months, because months aren't real. The smart chimps figured out how to measure the distance of time between lunar cycles, and decided that was what a ‘month’ was.

I recommend finding one of these smart chimps - they call themselves, “humans,” by the way - and learning from them. A meaningless endeavor, I know, but it keeps you busy and away from anything that might facilitate you interacting with the world. We got enough problems without being reminded that Kent opted not to shoplift that box of condoms all those years ago, to make it so much worse.

John C. Wright #wingnut

“Man, look at what President Trump did, and he isn't even President yet! …What's that? Joe Biden is currently President? Nonononono, I can't give Snoozy Jim Brandon credit for anything, my head would explode!”

Also, just about the only things Trump and a T-Rex have in common are table manners, the ability to swallow an entire adult goat without chewing, and that neither are very good to lawyers.

Gina Carano #conspiracy #wingnut

Right, Gina; you tolerated shit you made up to make yourselves into real fuckin’ heroes instead of a collection of Don Quixotes building the windmills you tilt at. But everyone else is the snowflake because they rightfully object to your boy being exactly as terrible as he has admitted he'll be, and he's surrounded himself with people just as bad or worse, but with actual brains behind their awfulness.

Wayne Allyn Root #conspiracy #fundie #wingnut

Simp Neelix #wingnut

Ah, okay, so when I got baseball bats swung at my head, or when rumours about my family so vile I've not repeated them to a soul in well over thirty years were spread, or lies about my planning a school shooting (I was a senior when Columbine happened) were circulated, it was all okay because it was done for the good to society. Ah, okay then. Well that changes everything. Social anxiety cured, trauma disappears, now I can see how I had to suffer so everyone else could feel better.

*Ahem*

Go to your local zoo. Slip the biggest bull elephant you can find a healthy dose of Cialis. Wait until it is fully erect. Then proceed to fuck yourself on that cock.