@JustAlongForTheRide #214939
Again, thanks for the reply :)
Hmm, let’s see! So I do that part, partly because it *has been* demanded of me, rarely explicitly but usually implicitly. It’s on TV, billboards, and movies; it’s coded into my observations of who gets promoted at work and arguably to a lesser extent, who seems socially popular. The demand is subtle, but ongoing. Like metallic thread in a scarf. It’s not all of life, but it’s written in. Plus of course, I’m not the only person who is subjected to that conditioning.
Yeah, this is one of those things that I completely missed out on, having gone through life as male.
It’s a blessing not to have to face that sort of thing at all, of course.
Though it’s also part of my imposter syndrome in regards to womanhood. Sometimes, I just can’t help but think: Given that I basically went through the vast majority of my life as a man, and I never went through these negative formative experiences that are pretty much universal for (cis) women… then what right do I have to call myself a woman?
What the hell do I know about what being a woman is like?
Ohhh hell, me neither, sister; me neither. I seem to come across as plain to a lot of men. I don’t get much male attention, and I remain ever grateful for that. It’s a peaceful enough life, and the men who only want a pretty woman in their bed don’t even bother pretending to be friendly to me. They weed themselves out. Or rather, the trash takes itself out. It’s very convenient!
Well, in my case, it’s not that I want to be unattractive to avoid attention; I just want to avoid unwanted attention. I wouldn’t consider unattractiveness a blessing.
That may also be because of my experience in life, which is of being thoroughly invisible in terms of being seen as desirable. Including by those whose attention and desire I very much would have liked.
I have never once been sexually harassed in my life… in that aspect, people have very much ignored me. Which I suppose is no surprise, given that they simply saw me as a man.
But to my knowledge, nobody has ever considered me desirable either. And they probably never will. At this point, I’m largely resigned to spending the rest of my life single. Even though I don’t really want to.
So from my perspective, when it comes to myself, I would like at least *some* attention, from the right person of course. Though in my case that would be women.
Attractiveness would be good, I just don’t want to face the sexist abuse for it, that’s all.
That said, I suppose being invisible and lonely is at least better than being harassed or worse, so I shouldn’t complain.
I wanted to echo this. I’ve yet to find words to express this that feel satisfying enough to use to try to explain this to the people who make that assumption, but it’s true. Case in point: in 2023 I was really into agile dressing: taking a garment and wearing it as something else. It’s a fun way to dress! I have a baggy, fluffy magenta-and-black sweater-dress which I wear ‘wrong’ to make it into a cropped cardi. I think it’s punky and cute, and it’s freakishly good at keeping the wind out! Is it sexy? No. Not at all. But I feel like a total badass wearing it!
That’s awesome, and I’m glad that you’re having fun!
See, this. All of this. I’m childfree and passionate about ensuring that other people - not just other women, but everyone - knows that they can choose. It’s more complicated for people from more traditional backgrounds, but the gist of it is, it’s so important to be able to choose. That’s easier said than done if you’re not cisgendered and fertile.
I cannot fathom the desire to have children, but the way you’ve written it here, I get it. I get what you’re saying, and I wish you could have it. And, I recognise that it’s not envy. You don’t want what’s mine; you wish you had your own. And that is utterly valid.
I hope that one day you can have what you want, or at the very least, the closest next best thing. These people who rant and rave about what you want and your feelings and your context on sexuality, all of this, it’s a total lack of empathy from them. Worse, it’s a lack of respect for you. You deserve better.
Thank you <3
I don’t think I’ll ever actually have kids, though. Of course, it goes without saying that I’ll never be a biological mom; but I don’t think I’ll be one in another way either.
I’d rather not do it without a partner. It’s not something I think I could face alone. Especially with the options that are actually (theoretically) possible for me.
And frankly, given what I’ve heard of how adoption here works, I don’t think it’s even possible for me to adopt as a single trans woman.
As for the ‘partner’ part… yeah, as I mentioned, I don’t think that’ll happen. That I’ll be with someone in a relationship. And not just due to my age and total lack of experience.
I also just plain don’t see why a sane, decent and intelligent person would want someone like me of all people to be with, let alone to raise a family with.
I have unresolved issues, little self-confidence, I don’t have much in the way of useful personal skills, I’m no social butterfly or charmer, I don’t have much of a sense of humor, I’m not always pleasant, and yes, I’m also visibly trans… or, to strangers, just plain male as far as they can tell. And that’s just part of why I don’t think anyone who actually knows me would want me.
I sometimes think that even if through some miracle someone eventually does end up wanting to be with me, my first question to them upon finding it out might be “Why?? Just… why me of all people?” And the best thing I could say to them if I actually had the strength to do so would be “Trust me, you can find someone better.” Especially if it’s someone I would also be into.