@C #181700
“Where are my grandkids?” “You’ll end up alone surrounded by thirty cats.” “You’ll regret this when your best years are behind you and nobody wants a dried up old spinster.” “What’s wrong with you, are you gay or something?” “God has a plan for you and you are fighting Him. We don’t tolerate those who reject God in this house.” “I am so disappointed in you, why don’t you *try harder* since that’s the only explanation and you clearly just want to wallow in your failure to attract someone.” “I raised a good Christian. Why aren’t you a good Christian?” “I didn’t raise a tomboy, who made you like this?” “That’s not normal, why can’t you be normal?” “One day you’ll have to grow up and get over this stupid rebellious phase, you’ll understand once you have a baby.” “Why do you want to take a job from a man, just get married and he’ll take care of you that’s how *normal* people live.” “Why are you so selfish? You have a duty to God and future children.” “Why would you end our family line and legacy like that?” “What is wrong with you? Why does nobody want you?” “This is why Christians/our population and the concept of the Family are dying out, Satan is winning when you rebel against the natural order.” And my favourite is ”This isn’t about you, don’t you understand that?” and then immediately blanking out on the denial of agency when called on it.
The stock responses go on. And even though sex is pointedly not in the equation there is still a very strong undertone of being accused of “living in sin and perversion” because as far as these people are concerned you aren’t normal and that makes you a pervert on its own if you’re not simply a failure. On the men’s side of this expectation? It breeds incels. Try looking at it from that angle. Read their insanity for an hour, their expectation that marriage is simply something that *has* to be done despite long tirades about how they absolutely hate everything surrounding it especially the human component and that their insane fixation on sex simply as a process of exchange for being part of what they think is a “relationship” has nothing whatsoever to do with gratification but the warped expectations they think are placed upon them and they in turn put on women as the component that refuses to cooperate. For them a “wife” is simply the rite of passage for men, to assert absolute dominance over that “wife” the right and proof of their manhood being denied to them, and the denial of such an arbitrary slight and attack on them to be avenged a hundred thousand times over because that’s not how it’s supposed to be in their eyes.
And this is just not seeking sex or marriage. You might counter with a “just get married to shut them up” response, casually telling them to take on a serious commitment with no emotional investment and entangling someone so neither of your decisions will ever be solely your own with an entirely new set of social expectations placed upon you both (one of which IS SEX and with it reproduction) simply for the approval of others and just not worry about sex or reproduction. But man oh man have you ever seen what these people think of a sexless marriage and the failure to live up to one’s “duties” within one are my friend? Not the least of which is the assumption that again despite the lack of sex being the central issue “the only possible reason” is extramarital sexual escapades taking place unseen and nothing will convince them otherwise and you’re a joke as a spouse. The expectations triple down and the fact you took such a huge step already and “knew what you were getting into” will be thrown in your face. And this is without taking into account that the same “traditions” that demand you get married and have children simply as a matter of course also make it so that a woman must submit entirely to her husband losing all personal agency including the ability to refuse sex. “Rape is impossible in marriage, you are one flesh at the will of the husband.” Being browbeaten into making concessions that just increase the pressure to make further concessions until inch by inch you are made to do the exact thing you initially refused and each step of the way face further condemnation or even outright punishment for not going further again really undercuts the idea that any of it was your own choice.
At the risk of sounding like a bigot Christians and other “traditionalist” religious groups inclined to sound off about “sexual sin” as an excuse to exert pressure on society aren’t actually concerned about sex or sin, they’re threatened by anyone not perpetuating a social model that politically empowers their beliefs and gives them a socially acceptable means to bully those who don’t affirm them. They don’t like the idea that there is any other way to live that is correct but their own especially not if their own choices in life (or lack thereof) hinged on that perception. When you’re gay for example it isn’t about the sex you’re having, just like this talk about women who don’t want kids, it’s about the sex you’re NOT having and they’ll invent sexual scandal to shove into your face and claim you’re the one shoving it in theirs. A photo on your desk becomes an intolerable sexual display and all language chosen to reference you is deliberately tailored to imply without basis in reality aggressive and predatory behaviour. I.E. stating to someone hitting on you that you’re gay and not interested in them translates to kicking in the door and screaming about how much you love various sexual acts you describe in detail making sure to corner anyone who covers their ears. And again, complete disinterest in actual sex is no defence the only proof accepted that you aren’t a deviant is to be “ex” gay and have a spouse of the opposite gender with child. Like they’re “supposed” to be. Those inclined to actually believe God or the appropriate equivalent is the one who has a plan and that individuals will be judged in their own time tend to be quieter (if not more accepting) because they know it’s not their place to assume God’s plans and certainly not God’s authority. It isn’t about sex or sin, it’s about having a convenient narrative to normalize weaponizing society against it’s own members with open bullying as a control method. Making people so terrified of stepping out of a norm placed on them they will do anything, even allow themselves to be fundamentally violated, just to avoid being tormented and have it pressed on them relentlessly that if they “fail” to be what’s normal - straight, married, with kids, in their correct place in the nuclear family, impressing upon the next generation the importance of doing the same themselves or they’re just wrong and need to be fixed - it’s their fault and they absolutely deserve what everyone gives them.