It's a Wonderful Race, After All
by James Bronson (part 1)
There once was a college freshman named George who thought he knew it all. One night over dinner, George got into an argument with his father. The argument began when the young student tried to explain to his father that as White people, they should be held accountable for all the evils that they had inflicted upon non-Whites throughout history. George explained: "Because of European racism, we stole the Indians' land, we held blacks in slavery, we persecuted the Jews, and we plundered the environment. We've been oppressive racists for thousands of years so it's only fair that we pay economic reparations for all the harm we've done to the world. I'm pleased to see that we are ending our political and economic domination of the oppressed peoples."
George's dad was shocked to hear such talk. "Who put such commie-pinko nonsense into your head, boy? Did one of your sandal-wearing hippie college professors teach you that?" the father asked.
To which the son replied: "That's the truth dad. My anthropology professor, Dr. Irving Silverstein, says so. He ought to know. Dr. Silverstein is a well-respected Ph.D. People of your generation just don't understand because you were raised in a White supremacist, racist society. That's why I've come to admire Dr. Rev. Martin Luther King as the greatest man in American history. He stood up to the racists of your generation. Because of him, my generation of White kids is completely color blind."
The father angrily replied: "That's bull****! I've always been fair-minded and tolerant of people from all backgrounds and races. I haven't 'oppressed' anybody, and furthermore there's nothing wrong with being proud of one's own people, including the European race of people. Your race is in your blood. It's like an extension of your biological family and you ought to be proud of your European heritage and identity, just like every other racial group in America is proud of its. Why is it OK for them to have a strong sense of racial
identity but it's evil for us Europeans to feel that way?"
The young "intellectual" laughed at his father. "Come on dad, that's the kind of crap Hitler tried to peddle. Those racist attitudes were discredited years ago. There's only one race and that's the human race. Diversity is our greatest strength. Differences in so-called "race" are as insignificant as differences in belly buttons. And besides, UN statistics now show that low White birth rates, along with the fact that we live in an multicultural society, will mean that Europeans and their ethnocentrist and racist culture will have died out by the end of the century," young George said.
Turning red with anger, the father yelled: "You are a walking cliché, you know that, boy? And you think it's a good thing that the European peoples of the world will have faded out and ceased to exist?" Young George replied; "I think it's great! It will mean the end of racism and the end of hate. The oppressed peoples of the world would have been better off if us racist Europeans had never existed to begin with."
Suddenly there was a blast of cold wind, an explosion, and a huge smoke cloud. When the smoke had settled, George found himself alone and lost in a cold open field.
An angel named Clarence then appeared to him and said "Well George, you've got your wish."
George asked: "Where am I? What's going on here? And who are you?"
The angel answered, "George, I'm Clarence the Angel. I was sent here to show you what the world would have been like if Europeans, or Whites, had never existed. You now live in a world where Europeans never existed."
"Oh. That's cool. I'll have no problem adapting because there's not a racist bone in my body. And when I get back to my world, I'll be able to tell my professor and my friends how great this non-racist world was. Say, I'm freezing my ass off out here. Where's the nearest motel?"
"Motel?" replied the angel. "There are no motels here in what was once called North America. But there are some caves up in those mountains where you can find shelter."
"Caves? No way, man. I want a nice warm bed to sleep in."
"I don't think you understand George. There are no buildings here in non-white America because the evil Europeans never came here to build them. Whites never existed, remember? The natives live in tents. Would you like to go meet some local Indians? Perhaps they'll let you stay in a tent."
"A tent? But it's 10 degrees outside?...Oh well. It's better than a cave I suppose. Let's go talk to these Indians...... Wait a second, are these Indians friendly or hostile?"
"Why, George, that's a racist question to ask. Just because some Indians were brutal savages who scalped their victims alive, it doesn't mean they all were", said the angel sarcastically.
"I know that Clarence. And I'm not a racist. I hate racism. Nonetheless, I'd feel safer if I could have a gun to defend myself if they turn out to be violent."
"Gun?" replied the angel. "There are no guns for you to defend yourself with. Firearms were invented by evil Europeans. Though, we could make a spear with those twigs over there
"That's too much work. Give me a telephone then. I'll call the Indians to ask if it's OK."
"Telephone"? replied the angel. There are no telephones here. Alexander Graham Bell was another evil white man, so he never existed. No Europeans remember?" "Forget it then," replied George. "I'll sleep in the damn cave."
Upon arriving at the cave, a shivering George asked the angel for a lighter so that he could light a fire. "A lighter?" replied Clarence. "There are no lighters here, and no matches. Those are European gadgets and evil Europeans never existed remember? If you want to get warm, you need to do like the locals do and start rubbing twigs together."
"Oh come on man! You mean to tell me these people still rub sticks together for fire?"
"That's right George. The Indians live exactly as they did before the evil pilgrims arrived from Europe just a few centuries ago." said the angel sarcastically.
"I refuse to stay in this cold cave and I damn sure ain't gonna light a fire with twigs, and I refuse to sleep in a teepee. I'll go to South America. I can make it in a warmer climate and I'll adapt quickly to the great Incan civilization I learned about at college. Since European racists like Columbus, Cortez and Pizzaro never existed, the Incans will still be there... I need a car"
"Car?" replied the angel. "There are no cars here. Daimler and Benz, the evil German inventors of the internal combustion engine, were never born...nor was Henry Ford. There are no paved roads either. This is a world without evil Europeans remember?"
"No cars! Oh. I'll just have to take a train."
"There are no trains in this world either George. Evil Europeans weren't here to build locomotive engines or to discover the many uses of coal, oil and gas, or to build trains or lay tracks. But I'll allow you to cheat just a bit. Grab hold of my magic robe and we'll fly
George touched the angel's robe and they flew south until they arrived in an abandoned mud hut in the midst of Incan territory. George was grateful for the warm weather but it wasn't long until he began to complain about the heat and humidity.
"Clarence, this hut is a little ****hole and I'm sweating up a storm here. Get me an air-conditioner
"Air-conditioner?" replied the angel. "There are no air-conditioners here. Air conditioning and refrigeration were inventions created by evil White men."
"What?!! You mean to tell me that in the year 2003 these people still haven't figured out a way to keep themselves or their food cool?” a frustrated George asked.
"No George, they haven't. And they never will."
"This is ridiculous. Let's go to the main city to see the Emperor. I can't live like this. Where's a car...oh I forget...no cars! Dammit I'll walk. Let's go."
After walking through the jungle for about an hour or so, it began to get dark. George then asked Clarence to give him a flashlight so that he could see. "Flashlight? Sorry George, but Thomas Edison was an evil White man too...and he was never born. There are some branches over there if you want to make a torch."
"Never mind that!" George shouted back.
By morning time, Clarence and George had arrived at the temple of the Incans. A bloody human sacrifice was in progress. George turned to Clarence and cried, "They're going to butcher that poor soul! Somebody has got to stop this. What horrible murdering beasts! Can't anyone stop them?"
The angel replied "I'm afraid not. Ritual killings are common place here.” Those evil European racists like Columbus, Cortez and Pizzaro never existed so the Incans just continued their brutal ways. In fact, it was the oppressed peoples themselves who made up the bulk of the Spanish armed forces. The people saw the Spaniards as liberators who would rid them of the oppressive Incan and Mayan rulers and give them a better life."
"I can't blame them for helping the Spaniards then. This is a horrible place. Get me out of this ****hole now!" said George.
'Where would you like to go?" Clarence replied.
George said: "Take me to Africa, maybe there's a more advanced and humane civilization there that I can fit into. Where’s the nearest airport?"
"Oh, I forgot...no Wright Brothers." George said. "How about a boat?"
"Boats?" replied the angel. "I'm afraid the most seaworthy rafts available to you won't be of much help in crossing the vast Atlantic Ocean. The great Viking sailors and European navigators never existed. No Phoenicians, no Leif Eriksson, no Henry the Navigator, no Columbus, no Magellan, no Hudson and no Robert Fulton. Even if you could build your own ship, there would be no compass for you to navigate with and no sextant either. I'm afraid you're stuck here George."
"Can I touch your robe and fly to Africa then" asked George.
"You're cheating again George, but all right. Touch my robe and we'll fly to Africa."
When they arrived in Africa, George saw thousands of half-naked African tribesmen being herded along a dirt path. They were guarded by other Africans with spears. "What are they doing to those poor men?" George asked Clarence.
"They are being enslaved by another tribe. Slavery was common in Africa long before the whites arrived," Clarence said. "In fact, most of the slaves who were shipped to the Americas were sold to the slave traders by African tribal leaders."
"That's so sad,” George said. "I want to meet Martin Luther King. Since his White assassin never existed, this great man should still be alive. He's probably a great tribal chief somewhere and leader of an advanced civilization. He will free these slaves from their African masters. Take me to him, Clarence."
Clarence led George to a little hut deep in the heart of Africa. The naked women and children looked at George in wonder. The young men were out on a hunt but the older men stayed behind. George was led to the dingy little hut of the tribal witchdoctor and spiritual leader. There he saw a wild-looking man with a necklace of teeth around his neck and a huge ring pierced through his nose. "What the hell is that?” George asked.
"Meet Witch-doctor Matunbo Lutamba Kinga" Clarence said. He never became Reverend Martin Luther King because there were no universities or seminaries built to educate him. Europeans weren't there to create such opportunities. But he did become the tribe's spiritual leader. He specializes in casting evil spells. Perhaps he can help you?"
The witch doctor gazed in wonder at George. Then he motioned to his henchmen to seize young George. The tribesmen grabbed hold of George and tied him to a nearby tree.
"Stop it! Let me go. What are they going to do to me?" cried George hysterically.
"They're going to perform a ritual killing on you, George. The good doctor King...I mean Kinga -- believes that by cutting your heart out while you are still alive, it will bring good fortune and fertility to his tribe," laughed Clarence.
"Clarence! Clarence! Help me Clarence! Help me!
"But George, you told me that you wanted to go to Africa and to meet your hero Reverend King."
George said: "This part of Africa has not developed yet. I can see that now. Take me to North Africa where Egypt and Carthage established great civilizations. Just get me out of here, please."
Just as the witch doctor's spear was about to carve out George's heart, George vanished into thin air. He then found himself on the banks of the river Nile in Egypt.
"Thank you Clarence. Thank you," George said. "I don't understand it Clarence. Why does so much of the world remain so brutal and primitive? I learned during Black History Month about many talented black inventors and scientists. Garrett Morgan, George Washington Carver, Benjamin Banneker, Granville Woods. Then there's Dr. Carson, the preeminent brain surgeon in all of America. Where are these men?"
Clarence replied: "Don't you understand yet? America, and Africa, exist exactly as they did before the Europeans discovered them. Civilization as you had known it had only been introduced to these people just a few centuries ago by the Europeans. There are no universities, no hospitals, no means of transportation other than animals, no science, no medicine, no machines. In fact, the wheel hasn't even been discovered in Sub-Saharan Africa! Those black scientists, inventors, doctors, athletes, and entertainers you speak of were never given the opportunity to realize their full human potential because Europeans weren't around to introduce higher civilization and learning to them. There are no George Washington Carvers in this non-European world, no Dr. Carsons, no Booker T. Washingtons, no Benjamin Bannekers, no Michael Jordans, no Oprah Winfreys, no Bill Cosbys, no..."
"Stop it! That can't be!" cried George. "Let's walk over to the great pyramids of Egypt right now and I'll show you one of the great wonders of the world ...built by non-Whites"
They walked a few miles before George stopped and asked where the nearest toilet was. "Toilets?" replied the angel. There are no toilets or urinals in this world. Plumbing was developed by evil Europeans. The people in this non-White world still relieve themselves in open fields."
Clarence turned around so George could do his business. "I need some toilet paper." George said.
"Toilet paper?" replied the angel. "There..."
"I know. I know. Toilet paper hasn't been invented yet. Just hand me a rag then".
Clarence obliged and the two of them went on their way.